A Changing Season
by Deeca
Summary: Jason Hawke and Anders come to terms with their feelings for each other as Leandra faces the reality her son will never follow the path she wants for him.
1. Chapter 1

Changing Seasons

Jason Hawke and Anders come to terms with their feelings for each other as Leandra faces the reality her son will never follow the path she wants for him.

Jason Hawke stormed into the estate and slammed the door so hard that the painting over the desk shook. It had been three years since the Deep Roads expedition that made him wealthy but the estate felt more like a gilded cage than anything else. These last few weeks have been especially trying because his mother had taken it upon herself to set him up with every eligible noblewoman in Kirkwall. This last woman he met with was five years _older_ than him. She was thirty years old and a vapid bore. A few drinks revealed Lady Renee McNeely was interested in marrying immediately and viewed him as a breeding stud. When she put her hand on his knee, he immediately told her they would not be a suitable match since magic runs in his line. Lady Renee was offended and annoyed that his mother never brought that up to her and abruptly escorted him out the door.

His mother was dining with Lady Renee's aunt and he knew she would be upset.

Grabbing his staff, he went upstairs. As he grabbed his pack Jason remembered something his brother said a year after they arrived in Kirkwall.

_"There is no place for me here."_

After for the first time he could empathize because he felt the same way.

The expedition gave him wealth and made his name known but everyday he dealt with the nobility made him realize that life was _not_ for him and began to dislike hiding who he was.

It's not as if the people in Hightown and the Gallows were not aware that he was a mage, it was the certain favors he did that kept them quiet. His mother preferred him to hide his abilities the way his father did when they lived in Lothering and had to deal with people. It suddenly dawned on him that his mother _never_ even mentions his abilities except when occasionally asking him to keep his staves in his room. She pretends they do _not_ exist. Back in Lothering, his mother would constantly lament on how he and Bethany were cursed. Sadly, that belief had been drilled into Bethany and she was never comfortable using magic. Their father had taught her enough to heal, defend herself, and hide her abilities but that was the extent of his teachings. Hawke remembered them fleeing Lothering and how impressed at how many darkspawn she did kill. If she had only been willing to learn more maybe she would be alive right now and begging him not to leave. With Bhodan and Sandal living here and keeping his mother company, he would spend even _more_ time in Lowtown and Darktown than he did back when they were living in Gamlen's hovel. In those places, and especially the Hanged Man, he didn't have to hide who he was. He felt as free as he did when his father took him to the Wilds to practice his abilities as they helped the various apostates who lived there.

Jason closed his eyes and thought about Anders.

_"I've always believed people fall in love with a whole person, not just a body. Why would you shy away from loving someone just because they're like you?"_

_Those words Anders said after they first met stayed with him. While he did have a few friends in Lothering, his abilities forced him to maintain a distance so he was never really close with any of them. Anders was the first person he felt a connection to. He revealed things to him that his family never knew. Anders knew about how his father took him to the Wilds where they would aid other apostates. It was also the only place where he could practice his magic openly under his father's careful guidance. Jason told Anders that his father wanted him to find his own path. If his father not died, Jason would have left the family to join one of the mercenary groups he knew. It was Anders who made him realize that his father likely died from the corruption a couple of years before the Blight was even realized. His father had gone to the Wilds alone leaving him in charge of the farm. Two weeks later he returned and except for being unusually pale seemed perfectly fine. He grew steadily worse within days though. His mother thought it was lung disease. One the night he died, Jason sat by his father's bed and watched helplessly as his father writhed in agony. By that time, he was nearly unrecognizable. The once strong man he looked up to was now a walking corpse. And of course they could not seek help because their secret would be revealed. His father motioned for him to come to him and he bent down to hear him whisper something to him._

_ "It's in my bag."_

_ Jason reached down and pulled a vial from the bag and knew by its color that it was poison. His father coughed up some blood and his eyes pleaded with him to end the agony. _

_ He opened the vial and lifted his father's head up to help him drink the poison. Jason saw both relief and sorrow on his father's face and he would never forget his father's last words._

_ "I'm sorry."_

_ Anders understood his actions and __never__ looked down at him for freeing his father from the agony. _

_ They shared so much during the last three years. Jason accepted Anders being bound to Justice, the Fade spirit. He did what he could to help Anders when Justice manifested to Vengeance. _

_"I'll give you time to consider then."_

Anders was open about his relationship with Karl and it didn't bother Jason. In Lothering, there were two men who ran a farm not far from his family's. They lived openly together and were his family's closest friends and even knew their secret. He knew Anders found him handsome. Jason was secure in his identity that he thought the same regarding Anders.

While Jason was no womanizer, he did have a few encounters with some girls from Lothering and six months ago realized they had no idea what they were doing when he started and on and off fling with Isabela.

She didn't expect flowers or any sort of commitment. They had fun although he did feel like a virgin during their first encounter and was relieved that she didn't judge him. In a sense Isabela became his teacher as well as his lover and during one their last tumbles, told him he was now fully able to satisfy any woman.

It was during those last encounters he started to become come more confused. He had gotten be close friends with Anders and invited him to use one the bathing rooms at the estate instead of the public baths. So a few times a week, Anders would come to the estate and enjoy the luxury of a hot bath and a meal afterwards. Hawke knew Anders's dedication to his clinic made him forget his own needs and wanted him to have something besides the mystery meat meal he'd get at the Hanged Man. One day the door to the bathing room was partially open and he caught Anders just as he stepped into the tub.

His skin was pale and a long jagged scar dotted his right side. He had a slight paunch on the lower part of his stomach but his chest was firm. His arms were toned but not overly muscular which was fairly typical for mages.

Hawke remembered shivering when seeing how thick his cock was with pronounced veins that ran along the shaft. He could see Anders was semi hard as he sat down in the tub. Hawke let out a silent gasp when Anders undid the tie in his hair. He closed his eyes and laid his head against the tub.

What made Jason shudder was when Anders reached into the water and by his movements; it was clearly obvious he was pleasuring himself.

Hawke had made his way back to his room and hurriedly undid his breeches and stroked himself to completion. He not only felt guilty afterwards but confused. Anders was his friend. He shouldn't be having these thoughts about him. He regained his composure and by the time Anders came down to the dining room everything was back to normal.

They were talking and joking around as they filled their plates.

A month ago it only got more complicated when Anders nearly lost control of the spirit in him and nearly killed a mage who escaped the gallows. They had stumbled on her being cornered by templars as they were trying to uncover one of their plots. In the aftermath, he comforted Anders who impulsively kissed him and declared his feelings. The night Anders came to the estate, Isabela had showed up before him and he left. Jason could see the hurt on his face as he made his exit. Their relationship now bordered between cool and polite. He missed what they had before. A part of him wanted to go to the clinic and talk to Anders but it was for the best he just go out of the city to clear his head. There was word that snow had fallen at Sundermount and he wanted to see it. Except for the occasional rain, the seasons _never_ changed in Kirkwall. He wanted to feel the cool crisp air blow against his face and looked forward to seeing snow on the ground.

His mother was at the bottom of stairs glaring at him as he closed the door of his room.

"Hello Mother. I take it by the look on your face you know that my meeting with Lady Renee did not go well."

"That's putting it lightly," Leandra retorted. "You told her that magic ran in the family. Do you realize what you have done? You have effectively destroyed your chance at finding a suitable wife in this town."

"Good. Now maybe you will _stop _pushing me to a life I have _no _interest in," Jason shot back. "I bought the mansion back for you Mother I have _no_ interest in having the life you had before you ran away with Father."

"You have Amell blood, its your duty. And as it is, too many people know about your abilities. If you want your status elevated you need to keep it a secret."

"I am _not_ going to hide who I am Mother," Hawke glared. "And I am sorry if this hurts you but I am a Hawke. It's _not_ my responsibility to revive the Amell name. And you need to face the reality that any children I have will likely be born with magic."

"Carver didn't have magic," Leandra folded his arms.

"But you had two other children who were mages."

"Your father hid it well in Lothering. Why can't you do the same?"

"Mother do you know why Father traveled to the Wilds all the time? He did it so he could practice his magic. He took me there and Bethany so we could learn. He stopped taking Bethany when she refused to learn anymore."

"I'm not stupid Jason, I know what he did. And Bethany knew she was cursed and did the best she could."

"Maybe if you had not constantly hammered that in her mind, she would have been more open to learning more offensive spells and she would be _alive _right now."

"How dare you!" Leandra slapped him.

Jason blinked, surprised by his mother's actions. She had slapped him. The last time he received any sort of punishment from his parents was when he used his magic to blow Carver into the pond. His father had given him a whipping and he knew it was not just because of what he did to Carver. Someone could have seen him and would know their secret. They would have been forced to go on the run again.

Jason rubbed his cheek and knew by how it still stung, that it likely left a mark.

"Are you going to slap the other cheek for Carver too?" Jason asked.

Walking over to the desk, he opened the drawer and pulled out some papers.

"There is something I _never_ showed you when I was packing up Carver's things," Jason said as pulled out a folded piece of vellum. "Look at this mother."

"What is it?"

"Take it and read what Carver would have done had I left him behind."

Leandra reluctantly took the folded vellum and opened it.

"No!" Leandra looked at Jason. "He would have _never_ joined the templars."

"It makes sense that he would have joined the templars if I had listened to you and not included him in the expedition. He's resented me since the moment he was old enough to realize what I was. Of course Bethany didn't get the same resentment because she was his twin."

"I don't believe it."

"Mother, Carver always said there was _no_ place for him here. I'm beginning to understand his words. Because more and more everyday I feel like I don't belong here. You've read the letters he's sent. He is his own man now. I actually _envy_ him. "

Jason watched her she took two steps back and closed her eyes.

"You've changed mother. It's as if you purposely forgotten your life in Lothering. Do you even realize Father's birthday is coming up in a couple of days?"

"Don't you dare question me about your father!" Leandra yelled. "He is always in my thoughts. I put his name on the remembrance wall in the chantry."

"It warms my heart to know you haven't forgotten him," Jason said as he looked at his mother. "Because not a moment goes by when I don't feel like I failed him."

Jason was did not expect to see her looked shocked by his words.

"I love you Mother but you need to let me follow my _own_ path," Jason said.

"Where are you going?" Leandra watched as he grabbed his staff and pack.

"I'm going to Sundermount to see if there is any snow left on the ground. The seasons _never_ change in the city and I miss seeing the snow. I'll be back soon."

He opened the door and quickly exited the estate before his mother could reply.

…..

Jason made his way through Hightown and decided to make a brief stop at the Blooming Rose. Varric was out of town and he wanted to let Isabela know he'd gone awhile. The night Anders encountered her at his estate, the encounters ended. Jason appreciated how Isabela took it well and remained friends with him.

As he entered the brothel, people looked up from their various pursuits and inspected him like he was a piece of meat or a breeding stud. He finally found Isabela in one of the back rooms lounging on a settee.

"Hawke," Isabela opened her eyes and smiled when seeing him making himself comfortable in one of the chairs.

"I'm going out of the city for a couple of days. Would you tell Varric when he gets back?"

"Sure," Isabela picked up her goblet and took a sip. "What happened to your face? Your right cheek is bright red and considering the things we've done, I know it's not a permanent blush."

"My mother slapped me and now my other cheek is likely red from embarrassment."

"And what caused her to slap you?" Isabela chuckled. "Did she set you up again?"

"Yes," Jason sighed. "I'm beginning to believe something you said is very true."

"I've said a lot of things that are true," Isabela laughed. "Refresh my memory."

"You once said I did not belong in Hightown," Jason grabbed the bottle from her and took a long sip before setting it down. "You were…right."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Isabela looked up and Jason and studied his face.

"Nothing. It's my responsibility to look out for my mother but I told her that I can't follow the path she wants for me."

"So no marriage to one of those uptight noblewomen then?" Isabela laughed. "And no baby Hawkes running about?"

"If I had children, I would be repeating the cycle my father started."

"You seemed to have everything worked out."

"Not everything," Jason sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sugar, consider the things we've done together you can ask me _anything_."

"Maker! This is _more_ difficult than I thought it would be," Jason agonized

"What's wrong?" Isabela eyed Jason with concern.

"When you…had your first experience with a woman…were you scared?"

"Of course I was but then…." Isabela paused and then looked at Jason.

"Wait a minute," Isabela smirked. "Is this about you and Anders?"

"What?" Jason nearly knocked the bottle of the table as he got up.

"Hawke, look at _who _you are talking to," Isabela laughed. "It's been fairly obvious there has been something simmering between you two for months. And that night he came to the estate when I was there and abruptly left. And then you decided to end our little adventures."

"I really _need_ to get _away_," Jason sighed.

"You look so adorable when you are confused," Isabela said as patted his cheek. "The big strong mage torn because of lingering thoughts for a man."

"Please don't tease me about this," Jason groaned.

"Sugar, it just _never_ mattered to me. If I am attracted to a man or woman and they want me, that means fun and pleasure for all and if you must know, I never enjoyed sex until my first time with a woman. My husband just went in and out a couple of times and that was it. It was a couple of years before I finally encountered a few men who actually _knew _what they were doing."

"It certainly took me a few times to know what I was doing."

"And you were an excellent pupil," Isabela purred. "I could hardly blame you for that first performance. You only had those tumbles with those girls from Lothering. The poor things probably didn't realize they were supposed to move too."

"Isabela!" Jason groaned.

"Hawke, you can't control everything that comes your way. It's just the way life is."

"The thing is it's not just about sex. There are …feelings involved."

"Then go talk to him then."

"Maybe I will when I get back but I need to go away for a couple of days," Jason picked up the bottle then hastily set it down. "Thank you for the talk."

"That's what I'm here for," Isabela chuckled.

….

Hawke was amazed that he made it to the Dalish camp in five hours but was immediately disappointed to see there was no snow. The brisk air and quiet had motivated him. He had hoped to see a few drifts but the ground was merely damp.

"Greetings Hawke," Marethari smiled when seeing him approach her. "What brings you here?"

"I've been meaning to come back to return this to you, Keeper." Jason said as pulled the arulin'holm out of his pack and handed it to her. "I _never_ gave it to Merrill."

"Thank you Hawke," Marethari said as she took the tool and held it up for the others to see. "You did the right thing but then again that is a part of who you are."

Jason watched as some of the members nodded approvingly at him.

"You've showed the clan that you are not like most of your kind," Marethari said as she handed the tool to another elf who took back to Master Ilen.

"My father instilled in me the dangers of blood magic," Jason explained. "As much as I felt for Merrill's desire of wanting to retrieve some of your history, it was just too dangerous. She…hates me now but a lot of people do."

"You honor your father by returning this to us then," Marethari said appreciatively. "In time, Merrill _will _understand."

"I heard it snowed here and I was hoping to see it," Jason said wearily. "The seasons never change in the city. It's always the same."

"There was snow here but it quickly went away. There should be some left on the top of the mountain though if that is what you're seeking."

"Thank you Keeper. May I set up camp here for the night? I promise to leave in the morning."

"You know you are welcomed among us Hawke but I sense there is so much more to this trek. The light in your heart has dimmed. What burdens you?"

"Everything," Jason sighed. "I needed to get away from the city to think.

"A great many people depend on you," Marethari motioned for him to sit down. "And you feel like you failed the ones who are no longer with you."

"Yes," Jason sighed.

"Everybody has their own journey to make in this world," Marethari said.

"You're saying there is a reason for everything that happens."

"Not in those words but yes, everything is connected. I mean no offense for saying this but most humans don't seem to have an easy time understanding that."

"No offense taken Keeper," Jason laughed. "You're talking to an apostate here. I've spent most of my life on the run from people who think like that."

"And that is what makes you different than most humans. Asha'bellanar chose well."

"She said things to me that I still don't understand," Jason sighed.

"There will come a moment when you will and will have to decide which path to take."

"I hope I make the right choice," Jason got up and gathered his pack. "Thank you Keeper, I think I'm going to start making the climb now."

"Get one of Master Ilen's torches before you leave." Marethari pointed to the row of lit torches near the work area. "And I hope you find what you seek."

"Thank you Keeper….for listening." Jason smiled before heading to Ilen.

"Dareth shiral Hawke. May you find what you seek."

…..

Jason stood at the bottom of the path and watched as Rex ate the scraps of fish that one of the Dalish gave to him.

"Come on boy. We have a long walk ahead of us."

He pointed to the path and Rex immediately trotted ahead and after a long sigh, proceeded to follow him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Anders looked up from what he was writing and watched as the doorway when hearing the sound of voices. Seeing that it was just a few refugees milling about outside his door, he let out a sigh and set down his quill.

Three years ago, he thought he had his life all planned out but that changed the minute Jason Hawke came to his clinic looking for maps to the Deep Roads. He remembered those piercing green eyes as if it were yesterday and laughed at the memory of initially _not_ believing Jason was a mage because of his muscular arms.

"Oh Maker! Those arms," Anders sighed.

He had _never_ encountered a mage like Jason before. As he got to know him, he learned Jason spent all his life free and the last ten years working on the small farm his family had built.

There was no denying he was attracted to Jason the first moment they met. It was such a revelation because he thought that part of him was done.

He initially thought, they'd rescue Karl, he'd give Jason the maps and that would be the end of it. Sadly, it did not go as he planned but was amazed when Jason did not recoil in horror after his revelation of merging with a Fade spirit. He accepted him and that marked the beginning of their relationship.

While Jason was eight years younger than he was, the age difference did not appear to be a barrier in their relationship. He possessed a wisdom that could be reserved for someone twice his age. The more he got to know Jason, the more he let his down guard. It was just so easy to talk to him because they shared so much in common. Jason shared his passion when it came to helping the mages and a similar hatred for the templars that he figured was due to being on the run with his family. Justice even managed to form a grudging respect for Jason and tolerated his presence.

As for his abilities, Anders could not believe how skilled he was for not having any formal training. Jason also possessed an unwavering strength and it was amazing to see him reject the demons they would come across during their travels. For not having done his harrowing, he had more strength than most harrowed mages possess. His father had taught him well. His healing skills were on the weak side when he first met him though but Anders immediately rectified that by helping him sharpen his abilities and teaching him herbalogy and potion making. Jason even helped him as he delivered a baby. He held the mother's hand and used his spells to keep her cool and comfortable. Anders cleaned the crying baby and wrapped it in a blanket then handed it to him. He could still remember the smile on Jason's face as he handed the baby to the mother. The experience only made them closer and it was the first time he could acknowledge the feelings he had for Jason.

Before accepting Justice, he took every advantage that freedom offered. Life back then was about embracing each moment and that included sharing his bed with any man or woman that came along his way. Justice changed that and Anders presumed that was due to the experience of being in Kristoff's body. One of the first things he experienced after merging with Justice were the memories of Aura and the love Kristoff had for her. It made him realize how more meaningful it to share your life with someone who truly understands and shares your passions. He just assumed his new path would _never _include that and he had learned to live with it. The sole focus would be to fight for freedom of the mages. That completely changed the moment Jason entered his life.

A couple of weeks after what happened with Karl, Jason had visited him and it was amazing how understanding and non judgmental he was.

Anders told Jason his views on how he believed a person should not shy away from loving someone just because they were of the same sex. Jason only said that he never considered it that way. Anders remembered the shy smile he received after telling him he would give him time to _consider_.

Their friendship only grew from there. And there were brief moments of closeness that would take his breath away. During the couple of times they camped out of the city, Jason would sit close to him by the fire and occasionally their hands would touch. He made it a point of watching Jason when he sat near the others and his hands barely moved although he would occasionally slap Varric on the back. Sometimes he would lean against him as they sat together. Hawke never recoiled or moved away from him.

He felt possessiveness towards Jason that he knew he shouldn't have but could not help it. Jason was a handsome man. Many men and women took notice of his rugged good looks when he entered the room. And he watched them watch Jason.

For the three years Anders got to know Jason, he knew he was the one. And when Vengeance took over him on the fateful day a month ago, he heard Jason's voice and came back a mere few seconds before nearly killing that young mage. A few days he declared his feelings and kissed Jason who did not pull away. It was awkward yet so beautiful. Jason moaned against his mouth as he deepened the kiss, opening his mouth wider, running the tip of his tongue lightly against Jason lips, tasting the faint hint of peppermint tea as their tongues briefly met.

He told Jason that he would come to him that night and he did but as he came into his room, Isabela was there. It was easy to realize they had been bedding each other. Feeling hurt that Jason never mentioned it, he left and their relationship has been cool and awkward ever since.

It could have been worse; he could have walked in on Jason and Fenris. That would have been like getting a sword through the heart. It did hurt that Jason didn't tell him and made him question on whether he really knew him to begin with.

Recently he learned that Isabela has been spending the last several weeks in at the Blooming Rose. The last time he spoke to Varric he learned Jason had spent the last few weeks attending parties with his mother or staying at his estate. Varric mentioned Jason being in a bad mood and it worried him. As hurt as he felt, knowing Jason was upset bothered him.

He began to wonder if Isabela had been using Jason. She was in her thirties and Anders knew from various sources she had earned a lot of her coin in Kirkwall through questionable means. Jason has a good heart. If she had used him and then tossed him aside he would give her a piece of his mind. For everything Jason has done for him, he owned him that. Maybe afterwards they could even be friends again.

"Its time to pay a visit to that pirate slut," Anders got up and headed out the door.

….

Anders shook his in disgust as he walked in the room and found Isabela playing cards with Jethann.

"They just need to locked themselves in a room and get it over with," Isabela laughed. "It was so easy to see the tension between them."

"I've never had a virgin before," Jethann sighed. "Its making me drool just thinking about it. And he's so handsome too. At least you had him for awhile."

"That I did," Isabela grinned as she set a card down. "And let me tell you. He has a beautiful cock."

Anders coughed and folded his arms causing both of them to look up.

"We need to _talk_," Anders said before turning to Jethann. "Here's a sovereign, I need to speak to Isabela, _alone_."

"And to think, I thought you were paying to partake of the services I offer," Jethann said as he got up.

"Anders is a one man, man," Isabela's eyes glinted merrily. "Or a one mage, mage. Blast! Neither of those sounds right."

Jethann laughed but looked at Anders and immediately knew by his glare it was time to make a hasty exit.

"I'll talk to you later hon." Jethann planted a kiss on Isabela's cheek and quickly left the room.

"So what can I do for you?" Isabela smiled.

"Well you can start by explaining why you're _not _with Jason."

"Oh so this is why you look all huffy and serious," Isabela teased. "I thought maybe I was talking to Justice."

"I'm being serious Isabela," Anders folded his arms. "Its obvious you two had something for awhile."

"You know that time I saw you at the Pearl?" Isabela sat up and looked at Anders. "You were _more_ fun then. You had men and women literally scream their release when doing that electricity thing. I bet if you didn't have that other voice in your head, you would have joined Hawke and me."

Anders was about to say something but some of her words rang true. If he had not merged with Justice, he would have definitely not objected to joining them. He did enjoy women despite having a slight preference for men. That was the past though. His time of indulging in debauchery was finished. He wanted to share his body and soul with one person at least for a brief time.

"You _used_ him!"

"We had some fun and that's all there was to it," Isabela said exasperatedly. "I don't know why you are even bothering me with this. He's the one who ended it. You should be talking to him."

"Jason ended it?"

"He ended it the night you ran out of his estate in a huff," Isabela chuckled.

"He did?"

Anders was surprised to hear this and relieved. As much as he liked Isabela when she wasn't annoying him, Jason was too good for her.

"Its for the best actually," Isabela grabbed an apple off the plate that was sitting on the table. "I would have ended it eventually. I'm leaning more towards women at the moment while Jason…is…"

"What about Jason?"

"I spoke to him earlier. He is very…. confused and unhappy."

Anders heart sank when hearing this and it wonder if he should pay a visit to him.

"Hawke had a fight with his mother and basically came to his senses and realized that he didn't belong in Hightown."

"I know the last time I spoke to him he mentioned his mother wanting him to meet all the eligible noblewomen in Hightown," Anders tried to hide the jealousy in his voice.

"Well it sounds like he put an end to that," Isabela said. "Now will you two just declare your feelings, find a room and get it out of your system?"

"What?" Anders tried to look offended by her words.

"Oh please," Isabela laughed. "Try to remember who you are talking to. I've seen those simmering glances you give each other. I've witnessed how you two sort of lean against each other when we've camped. You only call him Hawke when we're out. You always refer to him as Jason when we are at Varric's playing cards. You're calling him Jason _now_. You _want _him."

"Its _more_ than that Izzy," Anders looked away.

"Given how lost and confused he was when I talk to him earlier, I think the feeling is mutual."

"What do you mean?"

"Anders, he asked me about my first experience with a woman and if I was scared," Isabela folded her arms and scrutinized him. "Think about it. Hawke has _never _been with a man before."

"Maker!" Anders gasped.

Having made his views on love to Jason early on, he never really considered the man's inexperience. For three years he fantasized about Hawke, cursing himself for it but _never_ let it get in the way of their friendship. He never though Hawke would actually return his affections until his response to that impulsive kiss.

Anders admired and envied the _self__-__confidence Jason possessed. There were moments of despair when he considered the unwavering faith Jason had for him the only reason he was still sane._

The realization that he could be Jason's first and _only_ man, filled him with such a burning desire that it made him feel guilty.

It just never occurred to him that Jason would feel confused or scared about anything.

"You know despite his charm and wicked sense of humor, the man hates to lose control. He lost it when his sister died as they fled from the darkspawn, and lost it again when his brother was forced to become a Grey Warden," Isabela said. "And look how he is always on top of things when we are out and about…on various jobs."

"How did you get to be so bloody smart?" Anders sighed.

"You forget that I used to captain a ship," Isabela grinned. "When you're at sea with nearly two dozen men, you have to be observant."

"I need to go talk to Jason."

"Well you're going to have to wait, he told me needed to get away."

"What?"

"He mentioned something about needing to clear his head, the seasons and wanting to see snow," Isabela shrugged.

"Where? Where did he go Isabela?"

"Sundermount."

"Damn it!" Anders slammed his fist against the wall.

"He left a few hours ago; you could catch up to him."

"Maker! I'm going to kill him!" Anders turned and headed for the door.

"Just be sure to have sex first," Isabela said. "Then you can kill him."

"Shut up!" Anders growled before slamming the door.

…..

After telling one of the refugees he would be gone for a couple of days, Anders grabbed his pack and headed out of the city. As annoyed as he was, his heart ached with worry. Jason had never done something like this before. A part of him felt bad that he was one of the reasons for Jason departure but desire and longing flooded his senses. The thought of being Jason's first made the throbbing in his loins nearly painful. He cursed himself for having those thoughts because there was a possibility nothing would ever happen except for their friendship being renewed and he could live with that.

It was late by the time he reached the Dalish camp and was surprised when the guards said that Keep Marethari was expecting him.

He found her sitting by the fire and she immediately gave him a small smile.

"I knew you would come," Marethari said before taking adding some kindling to the fire.

"Where is Jason?" Anders said as he shivered from the cold wind that seemed to go through him.

"Come warm yourself by the fire." Marethari motioned for him to sit down. "Have some of this tea."

"Alright but only for a few minutes," Anders reluctantly sat down and took the cup. "I need to find Jason. Did he go up the mountain?"

"Hawke bears the weight of the world on his shoulders," Marethari said. "You could say he's on a pilgrimage to find himself again."

Anders sighed and looked away. Marethari was right. Everyone depended on Hawke and he was one of the worst offenders in that regard.

Hawke never seemed to mind though. He enjoyed helping people and took most of everything in stride. The only time he's shown his anger when they were not out was when arguing with Merrill when she defended blood magic or when Fenris goes on one of his anti mage rants. When they were out doing a job whether it was fighting templars or dealing with blood mages he'd show his anger accordingly.

Jason shared his passion when it came to seeking freedom for the mages and while trying to remain diplomatic to the templars early on, he never hesitated in killing the ones who abused their authority because of their overzealousness. The years his family had been on the run came to the surface during those moments. Anders remembered a time where Jason confided that while his parents did the best they could making a good life for him and his siblings, he would never wish that life on anyone else.

"We do depend on him a lot," Anders admitted. "And he's been my greatest supporter."

Anders watched as her eyes met his and it only took a few seconds for him to realize that she could sense Justice.

"The spirit inside you sleeps."

"Justice is not sleeping Keeper. He can hear you."

"You think yourself an abomination but that is not what you are. You have rejected the demon's call many times."

"Think of the spirit in you as a lost child. Your intentions were noble but that spirit can't navigate in this world and it doesn't understand how raw and unpredictable emotions can be."

"Yes, I am well aware of that by now Keeper," Anders sighed. "Sometimes I wish I would have done things differently."

"And if you had done that, you would have never met Hawke."

Marethari was right. He couldn't even imagine how the last three years would have been if he had never crossed paths with Jason.

"You and Hawke walk the same path, but his side of the road is more rocky while yours just has the occasional patch of overgrowth to go through," Marethari said. "You are both going to the change world one day."

"I need to go," Anders got up. "Thank you Keeper."

_"_Dareth shiral Anders," Marethari smiled. "Please take one of the torches to help guide your way."

…

Anders groaned when he looked up at the winding path. If this had been anyone else in their group, he would not have even bothered. With the exception of Fenris, he liked them well enough but definitely would _not _climb a mountain for them.

He closed his eyes and remembered the talks he would have with the first Warden Commander of Vigil's Keep about love. His commander had been the last woman he truly desired and she turned him down saying her heart belonged to another Warden who was stationed out of Ferelden. They fell in love as they traveled to unite Ferelden during the Blight and planned to go to their Calling together. Anders had listened but never took her words seriously until now.

"She was right," He sighed.

To love somebody so deeply, it was an indescribable feeling.

Slowly he made his way up the path and began to think about what he would say to Jason.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was dawn when Hawke made it out of the cavern and a cold mist enveloped him as he made it to the ancient alter where Flemeth reappeared. Elation filled him when he looked down at the grown and saw that he was standing in a patch of snow.

He knelt down and closed his eyes, savoring the cool wetness of it as a soft sigh left his lips. The mountain was a peaceful and beautiful place at least for the moment and the view of the Dalish camp and surrounding woods was breathtaking. Gazing upwards, he saw the highest point of the mountain was still coated in white. He stood up and called for Rex.

"Let's go boy."

It was amazing how renewed he felt considering he hadn't slept all night. As he climbed up the path he began to feel the self doubt slowly chip away.

…

Aveline looked up from her desk as Leandra came in with Orlana, each holding a stack of pies.

"Leandra," Aveline stood up. "What a pleasant surprise."

"I've come bearing pie for you and your guardsmen."

"Mince pie and apple." Orlana said.

"Thank you," Aveline smiled. "They smell wonderful. My men will appreciate it."

"You're welcome," Leandra said as she looked at Orlana. "Thank you dear. I'll meet you at the _haberdashery."_

"Yes Mistress," Orlana nodded and left the room.

"Did you make these pies Leandra?"

"Yes but Orlana helped me," Leandra sat down in the chair. "Jason made me realize that I forgot my past in Lothering."

"Leandra, is something wrong?" Aveline set her papers down and looked at her.

"I tried to mold Jason into something he will never be," Leandra let out a heavy sigh.

"You mean by setting him up with every single eligible noblewoman in Kirkwall?"

"He's told you then?"

"Not in so many words," Aveline laughed. "But I have seen his frustration. And I have to admit it did make me wonder. Did you expect him to hide that he was a mage to these prospective brides?"

"Malcolm was able to hide it and taught Jason and Bethany to do the same. I just assumed he would continue on the same path."

"Leandra you know the truth would come out eventually," Aveline gently chided.

"You're right," Leandra looked away.

"I don't know if Hawke mentioned this but I was the daughter of an exiled chevalier. It was my father's dream for me to become a knight just as he was. As I grew older I realized that he wanted to live vicariously through me and as I much as I loved him, I had to make my own life."

"I just worry so much for him Aveline. I thought he would settle down after this expedition. He just seems more restless and I worry about the templars catching on."

"Leandra, you don't have to worry about Hawke. _Believe me_ and that's _all_ I can say at the moment."

"Aveline I am not naïve," Leandra laughed. "Jason tries to protect me by not mentioning where he goes but its obvious he takes after his father. Malcolm used to go away every few months to work with mercenaries. I guess I shouldn't be surprised he takes after him."

"You son is a good man Leandra," Aveline said reassuringly.

"I'm grateful Jason has friends like you," Leandra smiled. "You are a good influence on him."

"Hawke is like a brother," Aveline said as she bent down to savor the aroma from the pies. "There are times I want to kick his ass while the other times I want to protect him. I would not be engaged to Donnic had it not been for Hawke. He's also made me see mages differently than what the chantry preaches about them."

"I spent years trying to deny that part of him existed," Leandra admitted. "I loved Malcolm very much but there were times I had wished he was _not _a mage. I think that's one of the reasons I smothered Carver so much. When Jason and I argued, he showed me some papers he kept from me. Apparently before the expedition, Carver was considering joining the templars."

"Leandra, I was with Carver and Hawke when they helped me with some jobs. And while I don't doubt Carver loves his brother, he harbored a great deal of resentment. I know it hurts that he's not here but he's a Warden now. He's part of something that most of us wouldn't begin to even understand. I saw the Wardens at Ostagar. They are a noble order, Leandra."

"Then perhaps it's for the best he's forging his own path," Leandra sighed. "I guess I need to move forward and let Jason find his own way."

"Where is Jason? He usually comes by around this time."

"He left the city a couple of days ago after we had a fight," Leandra said sadly. "He mentioned something about wanting to see snow. I can't say that I blame him. Except for the occasional rain, the seasons rarely change in the city."

"Its one of the many things I miss since leaving Ferelden," Aveline sighed wistfully. "Jason must have gone to Sundermount. He mentioned wanting to go there to return something to the Keeper. I wouldn't worry about him."

"I'll try not to," Leandra smiled as she got up. "I've kept you long enough. Thank you for listening to the ramblings of an old woman. I hope you enjoy the pies as much I enjoyed baking them."

"You are _not _old Leandra," Aveline said firmly. "And you're welcome here anytime. My guardsmen will love the pies."  
>"You must bring your man to supper one day."<p>

"As long as you promise to regale us with stories about Hawke when he was a child," Aveline winked.

"You can count on that," Leandra laughed. "Please take care."

"Goodbye Leandra," Aveline squeezed her hand and watched as she left the office.

….

Jason was exhausted as he reached the highest point of the mountain. After navigating around the last rock, he was elated to be standing in a flat blanket of white. There were a few trees scattered and he immediately started to gather wood for a fire.

Looking around, Rex was nowhere in sight but Jason didn't worry. The city was a giant cage for Rex and Jason knew he would return after exploring. It was obvious this trek was good for him.

After he made a fire and laid out his bedroll, Jason sat down letting his mind be serenaded by the wind and crackling flames.

He closed his eyes and was taken back to Lothering and how he used to play in the snow with Carver and Bethany.

Jason remembered working with his father as they fixed up the house and barn, making it into a home. With their small farm and his father's occasional jobs with the mercenaries, they weren't rich but they never went without. There was always food on the table and his father had enough contacts that helped his brother get his early training. Their mother utilized her noble upbringing and educated them to the fullest extent. The last ten years in Lothering were peaceful, safe, and almost idyllic.

"Father," Jason sighed. "If there was ever a moment I needed you, its _now_."

_He lay_down on his_bedroll_and looked up at the sky. While no longer feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, he still felt lost.

"Anders."

"_Why would you shy away from loving someone just because they're like you?"_

Then there was that kiss he did not recoil from. The feel of Anders stubble against his face, it felt right. He wondered where they would be had Isabela not shown up that night.

"Maker!" Jason lamented.

He thought of his mother and her desire to marry him off in a vain attempt to recapture that part of her life she lost when running off with his father.

"I can't live that life Mother," he sighed.

And then what he had been trying to avoid had finally come to the surface. He had never been with a man. He was so accustomed to being in control of everything that these feelings scared him.

Jason closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As confused as he was, he could not see himself with anyone else. He loved Anders and felt more free and alive when he was him than anyone else. The first thing he would do when returning to town, he would see Anders.

"I hope it's not too late."

Jason reached over and touched the snow. For the first time since coming to Kirkwall, he felt real peace. So many people depended on him and while he never complained helping them; there were times he wanted to escape from it all. The confusion and self doubt were slowly ebbing away replaced by clarity. Exhaustion finally set in and he finally let himself doze off.

…

Anders came out of the cave entrance and saw Rex feasting on the remains of some animal. The dog immediately looked up and wagged his tail at him.

"Hello Rex, I'd kill your master for making me come here but knowing my luck, you'd imprint on me and I can't have that."

Rex gave him a friendly bark and went back to his eating. While Anders considered himself strictly a cat person, he could admit that Rex was the second Mabari he could actually tolerate and respect. Rex had gotten them out of many tight spots and seeing Jason's devotion to him always made him smile.

Anders looked up and saw the smoke and shook his head.

"Your master is crazy Rex but then again so am I which makes us a great pair."

Slowly he ascended up the path towards the direction of the smoke and began to practice what he would say in his mind.

….

Anders didn't know whether to feel amused or angry when seeing Jason asleep by the fire but he couldn't deny how gorgeous he was.

The stubble on Jason's face was fresh, making him look younger.

While the area was covered in snow and certainly looked beautiful, it wasn't snowing. Smiling, he conjured one of his winter spells towards Jason who instantly woke up when it hit him.

"What the fu…" Jason sat up and looked around before finally seeing Anders walking towards him.

"I heard you wanted to see the snow," Anders folded his arms. "I just thought I would _enhance_ your experience."

"Anders!"

He couldn't remember the last time he saw Jason look so surprised.

"I can't believe you're here."

Anders sighed with relief when seeing Jason smile.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I spoke to Isabela," Anders blushed. "And made a fool of myself in the process but I was worried about you. I wish you would have come to the clinic and talk to me."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my dalliances with Isabela," Jason said. "They didn't mean except they did make me realize those girls in Lothering didn't really know what they were doing."

"I know," Anders sat next to him on the bed roll and fought the urge to kiss him. "And I am sorry for avoiding you and if I was one of the reasons you felt the need to leave."

"I had a fight with my mother and I needed to get away," Jason sighed. "Everything was just wearing on me and my mother's need to marry me off didn't help. I finally told her I can't live the life she wants for me and that I couldn't hide what I am."

"I'm sorry. That must not have been easy."

"I just realized how she never really accepted that I am a mage. It was something she never discussed unless she had to. The Amell family already had magic affect their line, and she's always lived with the guilt after running away with my father."

"It probably was not easy for her that two of her three children were born with magic and while she only wants what's best for you, she is not a mage and there will be things she will _never_ understand."

"I know," Jason sighed.

Anders looked at Jason and realized that for being the son of an apostate and a former noblewoman had its burdens.

"I think we need to discuss what happened a month earlier," Anders began. "I just would hate to lose you just because of that stupid kiss. I need you and if you would feel more comfortable just remaining friends, I understand."

"That kiss was not stupid, I just…I've _never_ felt this way for anyone but I have also _never_ been…"

And that was the moment when Anders realized Jason was used to being the one in control. For the first time, Ander's saw and felt his vulnerability and it aroused a desire in him he thought he would never experience since merging with Justice.

Without warning he pressed his lips onto the Jason's mouth, as he pulled the younger man closer. While they had kissed before; He knew Jason had _never_ been kissed like this. He was surprised when Jason deepened the kiss by parting his lips invitingly. He slightly tilted his head and nervously drew the tip of his tongue over Anders lower lip, before entering his mouth gently. At first, his tongue shyly explored him, but when Anders's responded sensuously, Jason relaxed. Inspired, Anders kept the movements of his tongue slow and sensual, but let their kiss become deeper, as he held Jason's face gently between his hands.

Anders sighed and moaned. And a part of him wondered if this was just a dream and he would wake up alone on his cot at the clinic.

Jason reached over and stroked his cheek with a shaky hand, "You once asked me why a person should shy from loving someone just because they are like them. You…were right. All I know is that the only time it feels right is when I am with you."

"I love you too." Anders smiled and pulled Jason closer to him.

He closed his eyes, surrendering himself to the feelings. He had spent so long pretending that his merging with Justice was enough and that his desires were merely just…something he could ignore. Jason changed all of that. For the first time since arriving in Kirkwall, he felt complete and was going to embrace every moment.

Anders cupped Jason's face in his hands and gazed deeply into his emerald eyes. He pressed his tongue along the seam of Jason's mouth, begging for entrance. When Jason's lips parted, Anders thrust his tongue into his mouth gently and was pleasantly startled when feeling his tongue twirl around his, taking him deeper.

Anders looked at Jason and could see that beneath that strong veneer he projected was a man who grew up very sheltered. It always amazed him that Jason spent his whole life free but realized now that his freedom came at a cost. While his father had taught him to hide his abilities, and use his wit and charm to get him out of situations, it was probably difficult to have relationships and that was probably why he valued his friends here.

"Are you sure you want this?" Anders looked at Jason. "I can't give you the life you deserve."

"Anders I spent most of my life on the run and hiding what I am. What makes being with you any different from the life I've always had?"

"I never thought of it that way," Anders admitted.

Jason was right. Most of his life was spent on the run and even when his family settled down in Lothering, they were always on guard.

"I just can't believe…," Anders touched his face.

"Aren't you tired of being alone Anders? You would _not_ have made that declaration last month if you weren't."

"Yes," Anders sighed. "I just never thought I'd find somebody willing to accept me for what I've become."

"I _don't care_ that you have Justice in you. I just want to be with you. I just have…never…I don't know what…"

"Shhh," Anders put a finger against Jason's lips. "You don't have to be embarrassed or afraid."

He kissed Jason again and suddenly noticed they were both on their knees. Jason sighed and tilted his head as Anders trailed kisses down his

neck to his collarbone, biting lightly. He caught Jason's lips again, begging for an entrance. Anders shuddered as Jason's tongue drew him in as he deftly undid the buttons of his coat. He ended the kiss and removed his pauldroned jacket and reached for Jason's coat, undoing the straps and button as he did the same.

Jason kissed him again and proceeded to trace his tongue down to side of his neck, pausing to kiss him as he made his way to the tip of his ear nibbling and gently teasing with his tongue. His movements were shaky and awkward but his ardor made up for it.

Anders moved his hips skillfully, rubbing his crotch against Jason's. He grinned when feeling Jason's growing hardness and how he shuddered and gasped against him.

He took Jason's hand and moved it lower so he could feel his erection through his clothes.

"You can't begin to know how much I fantasized about this," Anders whispered in his ear as his hips grinded against Jason's hand.

Anders looked at Jason and saw he was enveloped in a haze of wonder and lust. Lost in his own fog of desire and need, the thought of being Jason's first and last was almost too much for him.

The ground shook around them as they kissed but a familiar sounding hiss and the stench of death caused them to regain focus on their surroundings and discovered a half of dozen undead limping towards them.

Anders and Jason looked at each other and backed away. Anders grabbed his staff on the ground as Jason unleashed a firestorm on the skeletons. He whistled for Rex as he grabbed his staff that was leaning against a boulder.

A few seconds later, he came bounding up the path and assisted them in helping them deal with the skeletons that continued to come out of the ground.

Anders turned to Hawke just as the moment he was thrown against the grown by rage demon. Summoning all the rage and mana he had in him, he lay waste to the demon and limped towards Hawke who was rubbing his head.

"Are you alright?" Anders put his hand on the cut on Jason's forehead and healed it.

"It came out of nowhere," Jason said between breaths.

"You need to be more _careful_!" Anders chided. "For the love of the Maker! You're twenty five years old and you still don't know how to properly manage your mana!"

"I'm sorry." Jason said sheepishly. "I _promise _to be more careful next time."

"You definitely will be _more_ careful because I'm going to teach you how not to do that again!"

Anders helped Jason get up and wrapped his arms loosely around his neck. "I really don't want our first time together to be amidst the remains of the undead."

He leaned over and kissed Jason fiercely on the lips who moaned into his mouth.

"It does ruin…the mood," Jason chuckled. "But I thought Justice did _not _want to be stifled in luxury."

"Justice appreciates those baths at your place," Anders laughed. "Remember, he once inhabited the body of a dead man. He sees the benefits of being clean."

"And what of us?"

"Justice grudgingly respects your dedication to the cause and he has come to understand that I _need _you in my life. He has _no_ say when it comes to my love for you."

"I'm glad," Jason sighed.

"So can we go back to town now? You've seen the snow unless you want me to make some more for you?" Anders held his hands up and aimed them at Jason.

"I'm ready to go home," Jason laughed.

"Good," Anders grinned. "And the next time you decide to leave town, please find a nice inn next time."

"If I ever run away again," Jason looked at Anders. "You will be coming with me."

"As long as it's in a nice room at inn."

"When we go through the camp, do you think we should mentioned being cock blocked by skeletons?"

"No," Anders laughed. "I think you should leave that out."

"You're right," Jason chuckled. "I think Marethari thinks I'm crazy as it is."

"If you're crazy then I certainly must be as well. Before I left, she told me we were going to change the world," Anders said.

"Change the world?" Jason looked at Anders. "Well I hope we can accomplish that before the templars or insane blood mages outnumber us."

"Something tells me we will Jason," Anders smiled as they headed back down the mountain.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jason and Anders stood by the door of the estate and looked at each other.

"We're back," Anders sighed. "I should get…back to the clinic. We can…continue this another time."

"No," Jason put his hand on Anders's shoulder. "You are _staying_. Today is the day you come for a bath and supper."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Jason put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go in."

Jason felt his heart beat against his chest as he opened the door and gasped when seeing his mother enter the hall.

"You're back," Leandra rushed towards him, and smiled when seeing Anders was standing behind him. "Ser Anders, how are things at the clinic?"

"Clinic?" Anders glanced at Jason before looking back at her. "Everything is running smoothly Mistress Amell, thank you for asking."

"Good to know. Bhodan has your bath prepared and supper is on the table," Leandra said before looking back at Jason. "Did you get to see snow? What was it like?"

"It was beautiful Mother," Jason kissed her cheek. "It was just what I needed."

"I'm glad," Leandra smiled. "You actually inspired me. Lady Marlena Rothchild invited me to her estate in the country."

Jason suddenly noticed the bags against the wall and looked at Leandra.

"You're going away?"

"Just for ten days," Leandra smiled as she put on her cloak. "I think the fresh air will do me some good."

"I've always enjoyed getting of the city as well Mistress Amell," Anders agreed.

"Perhaps next time you could join Jason when he feels like leaving the city. I know he can take care of himself but there is always safety in numbers."

"Mistress Amell, you can be a reassured that Jason will _never_ be alone again," Anders promised.

"I'm glad he has you for a friend," Leandra said gratefully.

The sound of horses made them pause and Leandra picked up one of the bags.

"They're here. Would you get the other bag for me darling? Leandra waited for Hawke as Anders opened the door.

"It was good to see you again," Leandra nodded to Anders.

"Likewise Mistress Amell," Anders gave her a nervous smile as Hawke followed her out the door.

A few minutes later Jason came back and was about to say something but Bhodan came in the room.

"Master Hawke, you have returned. There are some messages waiting for you at your leisure," Bhodan took his pack and set it down. "I'll prepare a bath for you before I leave. I trust Mistress Amell has told you dinner is on the table."

"Slow down Bhodan," Jason laughed. "You mention something about leaving."

"I'll be out late tonight helping Varric with some Merchant Guild business," Bhodan explained. "Sandal is in his room busy with his enchanting so he won't be bothering you and Orana is learning potion making from Merrill."

"Thank you Bhodan," Jason watched him head to the kitchen and looked at Anders and saw the gleam in his eyes that was not there before.

Jason looked down and watched Rex scratch himself.

"Bhodan, do you think Sandal would mind if Rex stayed with him?" Anders asked. "Jason and I have some things we need to… discuss."

"He will love that Master Anders," Bhodan exclaimed.

Rex barked and wagged his tail and Jason watched as Anders petted him.

"Go see Sandal boy," Jason commanded.

Rex barked and headed for Sandal's room and Anders leaned against Jason.

"I'll get your bath prepared and be on my way," Bhodan said before heading up the stairs.

Anders turned to Jason and grinned, "It looks like we'll have the place to ourselves."

"Yes we will," Jason said anxiously as Anders leaned towards his right side.

Jason closed his eyes when feeling Anders's tongue tap his ear.

"Its so fun see you flustered," He whispered.

Jason was nervous as well as aroused and as much as he wanted to feel annoyed by Anders, there was something about that wicked smile he could not resist.

"Having fun are you?" Jason tried to sound annoyed.

"More than you will ever know," Anders chuckled as he went up the stairs.

…

Anders stepped out of the tub, dried off and quickly put on the soft robe that was hanging on a hook.

He stared at his reflection, and smiled dreamily at his reflection. His body shook in excitement, his arousal becoming evident as he felt his cock touch the cold mirror.

Wrapping the robe around himself, Anders paced around the room.

He had spent years fantasizing about this moment and now that it was here apprehension suddenly overwhelmed him.

Along with not having the best physique, he also had many scars and was not sure of Jason's reaction. And there was that possibility that nothing would happen.

Getting up, he took one last glance at the mirror before leaving the room.

…..

Jason was standing by the fire in his room and was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't even notice the door being shut and locked.

"What are you thinking about?" Anders asked as he walked towards Hawke.

"I was thinking, its just like Mother to not even acknowledge the argument we had. It was like it never happened."

"Maybe its for the best," Anders said.

"I wanted to tell her…about…"

"Us?" Anders smiled as he put his hands on Jason's shoulders.

"Yes," Jason sighed.

"Maybe deep down she already knows."

Jason looked at Anders and kissed him hard as he leaned against him.

Anders skillfully moved his hips slowly and rubbed his erection against Jason's as they kissed. Anders lavished his tongue over the hollow of Jason's throat, feeling him flutter under his lips as he undid his robe.

He stiffened when feeling Jason start to undo his robe and looked up at him.

"I need to warn you…my body may not be as pleasing too look as yours. I have some scars," Anders looked away.

"That scar on your side, how did you get it?"

"How did you know about that?" Anders looked at Jason.

"I have a confession to make," Jason blushed lightly. "I saw you once as you stepped in the tub. I'm sorry."

"You saw me?"

Jason's admission was arousing as well as touching and Anders could not help but smile when seeing the man's embarrassment.

"I got that scar from the tentacle of an insane brood mother."

Anders could not believe it when Jason nervously undid his robe and bent down and touched his scar.

"We all have them," Jason looked up at Anders before tracing his tongue along his scar.

Anders silently asked the Maker how he could be so lucky to have this man come into his life. He closed his eyes when feeling Jason's nervous hands explore his chest and stomach before eventually wrapping a hand around his throbbing length, moving up and down, his thumb rubbing the head in small circles.

It was more clumsy than graceful but it was the best feeling in the world, and knowing that his cock was the first one Jason had touched outside of his own would be something he would always remember.

"Am I doing it alright?" Jason looked at Anders and shook when feeling his shaft being skillfully stroked.

"Yes," Anders growled as he moved his hips as he continued to stroke Jason.

They kissed some more and Anders sighed contentedly as Jason's growing confidence made him bolder. But as his tongue moved closer to his throbbing shaft, he pulled him away.

"Another time," Anders pulled him towards the bed. "Its been a long time and I want this moment to be about you. There will be other times to explore and savor each other."

He kissed Jason again and teased a nipple with his tongue as he slowly spread his legs apart.

Anders licked the bottom of Jason's shaft, making his was towards the head which he took in his mouth and teased it with his tongue.

"Maker!" Jason writhed under him and Anders looked up and smiled reveling that he was completely at his mercy

"As much as I would love to devour you," Anders hoisted Jason's legs over his shoulders and started to massage his ass. "That will have to wait."

He_ traced_a line of soft kisses_down Jason's chest and circled_ _his puckered_opening with a finger and reached for the jar of healing salve that was conveniently sitting on the nightstand.

"Do you trust me Jason?" Anders asked as gave Jason's throbbing shaft a few pumps.

"Yes," Jason moaned.

He coated his fingers with the salve and placed one of them on Jason.

"Relax," Anders watched Jason closed his eyes as he carefully worked a finger inside.

Anders used his free hand and stroked Jason smiling when he relaxed.

Adding another finger, he slowly curled it and knew when Jason writhed under him that he found what he was looking for.

"And….ers," Jason hissed and gripped the sheets as Anders worked him.

"I'm surprised Isabela didn't do this for you," Anders said before sucking on one of Jason's nipples as he continued to prepare him.

"I…never knew," Jason breathed.

Anders chuckled when hearing him whimper after he stopped.

His was so sensitive he knew it would not be long as he slowly sheathed himself inside Jason.

Jason grimaced briefly then looked up in wonder, his mouth agape as he adjusted to Anders.

He let Jason feel every sensation as he slid out then slowly move back in.

Anders closed his eyes and gasped when feeling Jason start thrust against him. He adjusted Jason's legs and brushed against that spot, making him cry out.

"So….good," Jason grunted as Anders began to move faster.

"Jason," Anders moaned.

It been so long and he shuddered when feeling Jason clenched around him.

"You feel so good," Anders crashed his lips onto Jason's as he pounded into him.

He grabbed Jason's cock and began to stroke in time to his thrusts as he soon began to shake and eventually cried out as he spilled inside of him. Jason came with a gasp and a bellow and collapsed as Anders fell limp against him.

Anders rolled off Jason and lay beside him as they both slowly recovered.

"I never….I had no idea," Jason said between breaths. "That was unbelievable."

"I love you," Anders put a hand on Jason's chest. "And that was just the beginning."

"I love you too," Jason took his hand.

"So what next?" Anders turned to look Jason.

"When Mother returns, I'm going to tell her about us. She'll need to know since you'll be moving in."

"I suppose I should get to know her more than just the typical small talk we share."

"Mother likes you and respects what you do at the clinic. It won't be that bad,"

Anders watched Jason sigh and close his eyes and soon drifted off as well.

…

Jason opened his eyes and found Anders sitting up in bed and chuckling softly.

"What is so funny?" Jason yawned.

"I just realized when I was coming in to see Isabela; she was talking about you to Jethann."

"What did she say?" Jason sat up and proceeded to pour a glass of water from the pitcher.

"She mentioned something about getting it out of our system and how you had a glorious cock which was another thing she was right about."

"Anders did you go out of the room?" Jason asked when noticing the opened door.

"No. Why?"

"The door is _open_," Jason pointed.

"I opened it," Isabela said as she walked inside the room laughing as Anders and Hawke hurriedly covered themselves. "And I told Jethann you had a _beautiful _cock."

"Who let you in?"

"Orana," Isabela laughed. "She's cooking breakfast right now so I thought I'd take a peak to see if you two got it out of your system."

"I'm going to have to talk to Orana," Jason jumped out of bed and grabbed Isabela's hand. "And please accept my apologies but you are not invited for breakfast,"

"Jason," Anders laughed as he watched him drag Isabela out of the room. "Shouldn't you at least put a robe on?"

Anders got out of bed and slipped on his robe and grabbed Jason's to bring to him.

"I'll see you later, Isabela?" Jason slammed and locked the door and stopped in his tracks when seeing Orana standing before him.

"Good morning Master," She smiled. "Breakfast is on the table."

"Orana, I am so so sorry." Jason said as he covered himself up.

"Sorry about what?"

"For being naked?" Jason asked as Anders hurried down the stairs and handed him his robe.

"Mistress used to sleep naked all the time," Orana shrugged and looked at Anders. "Good morning Master Anders. I will set a plate out for you."

"Thank you Orana," Anders said nervously.

Jason put on his robe as they watched Orana leave the room.

"Well, at least we didn't…scar her."

"Tevintor would certainly be a fascinating place to visit," Anders remarked as he tightened his robe.

"Lets go eat," Jason laughed. "And lets figure out what we can do to Isabela."

"You know, I was just thinking the same thing."

"That's why we make a good pair," Jason smiled as they walked to the dining room.

…

**A/N: One final Chapter of the challenge…coming ASAP. ;-)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"So, what should we do about Isabela invading our privacy?" Anders wondered as he spread fresh butter on a slice of bread.

It was a few days before his mother's return from the country and most of the time they had spent enjoying the state in their relationship.

"I have some info that I could give to Aveline if I wanted to," Jason laughed. "But where is the fun in that? I think I'm going to be nice for a change and do something that Isabela has needed since we met her?"

"Jason, she invaded our _privacy_. A few years ago, I would not have cared but I'm not that person anymore. She has to know there are consequences for her actions."

"And she will Anders," Jason promised. "I think she will think twice as she gets fitted for a dress with Mother's help."

"Dress?" Anders looked at Jason and started to laugh. "You are evil."

"Father always said to use blackmail when it comes in handy and Isabela will definitely prefer dressing up to solitary confinement in prison."

"We should have everybody there as she's being fitted," Anders suggested. "I think Varric will especially enjoy this."

"We'll make it a dinner party," Jason smiled.

"I can't wait to see this," Anders chuckled.

"It will definitely be something to remember," Jason laughed. "And of course I will spare no expense for new locks on every door, just in case.

…

Two weeks later, everybody sat and watched as Leandra and Orana fitted a dress onto a reluctant Isabela.

"Ow," Isabela winced. "That's the third needle you've stuck me with."

"I'm sorry Isabela," Orana said as she set the pins.

"It will be worth it Isabela," Leandra smiled. "You will look beautiful when it's done."

"I think she looks fantastic," Varric clapped his hands. "You should consider wearing more clothes than your…typical attire."

"You look gorgeous Izzy," Anders agreed.

"And radiant," Jason turned away as he started to laugh.

"Every woman needs at least one good dress," Aveline said as she poured herself a drink.

"You have a dress?" Varric asked as everyone looked at her.

"She has two dresses actually," Donnic said nonchalantly as he ate a wedge of cheese. "And she looks beautiful in them."

"I'm sure she does Donnic," Leandra said as she added the last pin. "There. You look beautiful."

"Thank you Mistress Amell," Isabela smiled weakly.

"Orana and I will have it sewn for you then I'll have Hawke bring it to you. Just be careful when you take it off."

"I will," Isabela said politely as she stepped off the stool.

Stopping by Jason she reached over and whispered in his ear, "I hate you."

"Supper should be ready shortly," Leandra said. "Make yourselves comfortable in the dining room."

"I'll be right there," Jason patted Anders on the shoulder and watched as he followed the group out.

"She's a beautiful woman," Leandra closed her sewing basket. "Thank you for letting me do this for her."

"It was my pleasure." Jason smiled.

"Considering your relationship with Anders, I'm just happy you don't mind having me around."

"I will always need you Mother," Jason put his hands on her shoulders. "And thank you for accepting him."

"I like Anders. He's a good man and it touches me to see how devoted he is with helping the refugees. And it's obvious how he feels about you. I just want you to be happy."

"I want you to be happy too," Jason smiled. "I hope this suitor of yours is treating you like the lady you are."

"He is darling and in time you will meet him," Leandra smiled. "Now let's go enjoy supper with your friends."

Jason smiled as entered the dining room and laughed when he watched Isabela helping herself to some potatoes.

Taking the seat next to Anders, he sat down and grabbed a knife and fork as Bhodan and Sandal brought in the turkey.

"And this is when I enjoy the one side effect of being a Warden that I don't mind," Anders said as he eyed the turkey.

"I've heard a lot of interesting things about the Warden _stamina _too," Isabela said. "Perhaps you would care to _elaborate _on that Anders."

"Yes Isabela my Warden stamina, has enabled me to endure long hours at the clinic," Anders said as he filled his plate.

"Yes we know about your dedication to the downtrodden, but I am sure you use that stamina during your free time as well."

"You know Isabela, perhaps Mother can help you with future dresses," Jason suggested.

"I would love that," Leandra looked at Isabela. "You are a beautiful woman and you need to show that more."

"Thank you Mistress Amell," Isabela poured herself another glass of wine and silently yielded. "I thought I did show it."

"She means looking more like an elegant flower than a _blooming rose_," Aveline said between bites of turkey."

"Mind if I use that line Aveline?" Varric asked.

"Better charge him for it Aveline," Fenris broke his silence. "He's used some of my lines in the past."

Jason and Anders looked at each other and laughed before continuing to eat.

Throughout supper Jason watched his friends and mother enjoy themselves. Jason even saw Fenris smile a few times as Isabela's hand touched his leg under the table.

For the first time in ages Jason felt a sense of contentment he never had before. He was surrounded by great friends who accepted him for he was, had a wonderful partner in Anders and he had reached a level of understanding with his mother that he never had before. The guilt he felt toward Carver was diminishing. And while Jason would always have regrets, Carver was forging his own path as a Grey Warden and he was proud of him.

That evening after everybody left and his mother had gone to bed, Jason walked down the hall an entered the room he had given to Anders to have as his own personal space to write his manifesto and read.

Anders looked up from the book he was reading and smiled. "Did I lose track of the time?"

"Yes," Jason laughed. "Are you coming to bed?"

"I'll be right there," Anders smiled as he set the book down.

Ten minutes later, Jason smiled and sat up when Anders came in.

"What are you smiling at?" Anders removed his robe and got in bed.

"It was a fun night," Jason massaged Anders shoulders. "I just never thought life could be this good."

"I know," Anders grinned. "But let's get some sleep. We have to go outside of town to attend to that little matter before the templars get wind of it."

"Blood mages," Jason sighed. "They'll never learn."

"We can spend the whole weekend in bed after we deal with them," Anders closed his eyes and smiled when feeling Jason rest his head on his shoulder.

"I like the sound of that," Jason sighed as he closed his eyes.

…..

Three Months Later

….

Anders watched helplessly as Jason held the lifeless body of his mother.

There was nothing he could do. Unspeakable things had been done to her by the madman who captured her and she had been kept alive by the most powerful blood magic he had ever witnessed. They had killed the blood mage and Leandra died in Jason's arms after telling him she loved him and was proud of him.

Grief and guilt were etched on Jason's fate. He hated to see him this way and his heart ache knowing that what was done to Leandra was beyond his abilities as a healer.

"Hawke, we'll take care of her," Anders said gently. "You go back to the estate. I'll be there shortly."

"Hawke, what do you want us to do with her?" Aveline asked.

"My father's body was burned; we spread his ashes at the creek not far from our farm. She wanted something like that," Hawke gently placed her on the ground and covered her body with a tarp that was lying on the ground. "I need to get out of here."

Anders watched as he fled the area and glanced at his companions.

He watched as Isabela bent down to see what was in the open pit that was on the far side of the wall and was shocked to see her suddenly vomit. For Isabela to have that sort of reaction, it truly had to be horrible.

He walked over and gave her a rejuvenation spell as she regained her composure.

"Don't look," Isabela clutched his arm. "I've seen a lot of depravity in my day but this…"  
>Isabela shook her head and walked towards Aveline who looked surprised.<p>

Anders glanced at Varric as they walked towards the pit and looked down.

"Maker," Anders covered his mouth and nose and turned away as Varric stumbled back.

Inside the pit contained the dismembered remains of the parts of the women he didn't use.

"Bloody hell!" Aveline gagged as she looked down in the hole.

"Its good Hawke didn't see this," Varric shook his head.

"I'll deal with this," Aveline looked at them. "Donnic is on patrol not far from here, tell him where I am and to get some men and some Chantry people."

"I'm going to my room and get drunk," Isabela walked away.

"After seeing that, it's going to be a couple of days before I have a stiff one," Varric said as he followed her.

"Thank you Aveline," Anders said

"I'm required by law to tell the templars about this," Aveline looked at Anders. "But there will be things I will _neglect_ to mention."

"You do what you have to do Aveline. I will look after Hawke," Anders took one last look at Leandra's body before walking away.

…..

Anders was standing across from the way when he saw the door open and Gamlen come out. He watched the man stumble and could hear him sobbing as he headed back to Lowtown.

He found Bhodan pacing around in the hall and wringing his hands.

"Master Anders," He said sadly. "Such an unspeakable tragedy, I have Orana keeping an eye on Sandal."

Thank you Bhodan," Anders nodded. "Where is Jason?"

"He went upstairs after Gamlen left."

"Thank you. You can go can go to bed. There is nothing to be done. But tomorrow, we might be getting a lot of visitors, if anyone comes by in the morning please tell them Hawke won't be available until the late afternoon and let Orana know."

"Yes Master Anders."

Anders found Jason sitting on the bed staring at the fire. They had shared so much that it was easy to read him. He was thinking how he failed his father again. His sister's death at the hands of an ogre was always with him as was brother having been forced to become a Grey Warden because of that blighted expedition. He made a promise to watch out for the family and now he was alone.

"I'm here for you, whatever you need." Anders sat down beside Jason and looked at him.

"Thank you Anders. I appreciate it."

They sat in silence for the longest time and perhaps that was all that was needed.

"Do you remember your parents Anders?" Jason looked at him.

"I get the occasional flashes," Anders looked away. "What I remember the most is the sound of my mother crying as the templars took me away. I envy you for having Leandra for as long as you did. And I regret not getting to know her better."

"She cared for you and found it endearing that you were so shy around her."

Jason grew silent and Anders put an arm around him.

"I know the man who did that was insane but it's made me hate blood mages even _more_," Jason said bitterly. "They are _not _helping the cause and if the Circles ever do rise up we will be fighting not only the templars but them as well."

"Yes," Anders said sadly.

Anders watched as Jason sighed and stared into the fire as the sound of thunder outside signaled the start of a surprise storm.

…

The weeks after Leandra's death were filled with a barrage of visitors giving their condolences. Jason would force himself to smile and thank each one of them before excusing himself. It amused Anders to see how oblivious the nobility were to them being mages. A part of him wanted to wield his staff and cast a wind spell, anything that would attract attention but he realized they were so wrapped up in their own world, dispensing their fake sympathies and platitudes they probably wouldn't care. And Jason had reached the point where he didn't even bother to send Sandal to his room. There were various staves and other weapons standing against the wall near him waiting to be enchanted. Occasionally one of the nobles would pat Sandal on his head before walking by but that was it. Grand Cleric Elthina even came by with Sebastian and they paid their respects to Jason. It was both pathetic and humorous to see them drinking tea, proselytizing about the Maker and the reasons for why things happen. Their grimoires were in plain sight on the table as they continued to ramble on about maleficarum.

Its no wonder Kirkwall was in its current state. People were so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they did not bother to notice anything until it was too late.

A few more weeks went by and they both returned to their routines. The clinic was not as full after Jason poured money into Darktown providing food, blankets and other necessities for the refugees but there were still the occasional walk-ins and emergencies. There were also the occasional _outside_ jobs they would pick up from their contacts. Things were getting back to normal until that encounter with blood mages. Jason's fury was unlike anything he had seen. When one of the mages tried to crawl away, Jason unsheathed his dagger and repeatedly stabbed him to the point that he had to be pulled away. It was at that moment Anders realized that a person did not have to be merged with a Fade spirit to have vengeance inside of them. Jason was his salvation and he hated seeing him this way. It was obvious he need some more time.

Jason has been mostly quiet as they traveled back home. There was already a bath prepared for them and Jason let out a sigh as Anders washed his back.

"I'm sorry for what happened," Jason broke his silence. I don't know what came over me."

"You don't have to apologize," Anders said as he rubbed Jason's shoulders.

"I want to go release Mother's ashes," Jason turned and look at Anders. "There's a cliff on the Wounded Coast that has a very beautiful view of the sea and if we leave early, we'd be able to make the trek home the same day. Would you come with me?"

"You don't even have to ask," Anders brushed the hair out of his face.

"Thank you," Jason sighed. "You don't know how much this means to me."

Anders wrapped his arms around Jason as he closed his eyes.

….

Two days later Jason and Anders stood on the cliff, watching the mass of black clouds in the distance.

"We better get this done," Jason bent down and picked up the urn. "Looks like a bad one."

Anders looked at the rapidly darkening sky and agreed. When he was serving the Wardens at Amaranthine, he witnessed many storms approach in the same way. They would build up to the point where you could feel the charge in the air and literally hear them minutes before they unleashed their fury. This storm hung low over the horizon and the temperature the cold breeze was numbing.

Anders stood back and watched as Jason opened the urn and pause.

"So many things I wanted to say and never got the chance to," Jason sighed. "I still feel like… I failed you and Father but I know you would want me to move on. All I can say is I love you I know wherever you are, you're with Father and Bethany."

Jason held the urn over the cliff and dumped the ashes. The wind caused them to scatter and swirl away. A few minutes later he tossed the urn and watched it fall.

Anders walked over to Jason and put a hand on his shoulder, "Jason, I hate to do this but we really need to head back now if we're going to beat the storm."

"I know," Jason looked at Anders and gave him a weary smile. "Thank you for coming with me."

"You know I would do anything for you."

The cold breeze was changing into a chilling wind and Jason and Anders looked toward the horizon at the slowly approaching blackness that looked as if it was ready to swallow everything in its path.

"We better go," Anders said as he pulled Jason away from the edge of the cliff.

Jason took once last glance at the sea then joined Anders on the walk back Kirkwall.

…

The town was deserted by the time they made it home that evening and it was for the best. Wind, rain and even sleet enveloped them. A bolt of lightening struck the top of the chantry and Anders and Jason couldn't help but snicker.

Bhodan rushed in the hall as soon as Jason shut and locked the door.

"Welcome back Messere," Bhodan took their cloaks and staves and set them on the table. "Aveline's man came by and wanted both of you to know they rounded up most of the people from Darktown into the chantry, the rest are in the caves down below. They're saying this is the worst storm they've had in years. They even locked the docks down."

"It's a good thing, we're back then," Jason said as he followed Anders up the stairs. "We'll clean up then come down for supper."

"Orana made that Turkey stew both of you like," Bhodan smiled.

"That's sounds delicious," Anders licked his lips.

"Thank you Bhodan, we'll be retiring in our room after supper. It looks like its going to be a long night."

"Good idea Sir," Bhodan agreed. "I'll settle Sandal and your dog down then get to work on those Merchant Guild papers Varric gave me."

"I think we'll be able to occupy ourselves during the storm." Jason looked at Anders and smiled.

It only took Anders a second to realize what Jason was implying and he grinned back, "I think there are a lot of things we can do to past the time,"

"I'm going to check on Sandal and your dog Messere," Bhodan walked toward the basement door. "I'll have the dining room set in half and hour."

"Thanks Bhodan," Jason gave him a nod before following Anders upstairs.

"Jason," Anders stopped in the middle of the room and looked at him. "Are you sure you…want to? I will understand if you're not ready."

"No," Jason put his hands on Anders shoulders. "You have spent these last few weeks taking care of me."

Anders's eyes widened as Jason pulled him closer, "I think its time I take care of you and show you what a good teacher you've been."

"I guess I can't argue…with that," Anders shuddered when feeling Jason touch him briefly.

They had not been intimate since before Leandra's death and while Anders understood he had missed it.

Harkening back to his time with Karl, he had become the teacher and through his patience Jason became a remarkably skilled lover. It also helped that he was a remarkably quick learner. He can still look back at the one night, when guided Jason inside him the first time. Seeing the wonder and ecstasy on his face and savoring every single moment as they moved together, would be something he would always take with him. He remembered something the first Warden Commander of Amaranthine said to him when they once got into a conversation about love and sex. She was the last woman he made any attempt to bed and declined his offer, telling him that while she had no doubt it would be fun but somebody else had her heart. The commander also said it was better when it's with somebody you love. He didn't really take her seriously back then but being with Jason made him understand her words.

A sudden roar outside startled them and they both looked up at the shuttered windows that were now starting to shake.

"Come on," Jason touched him on the shoulder. "Let's get cleaned up."

Anders smiled and playfully grabbed Jason's ass as he turned making him laugh.

….

A few hours later they were locked up in their room, the sound of crackling fire mingled with the howling of the storm, and their various moans and cries.

Jason and Anders collapsed against each other as they rode out the final wave of their bliss.

"Maker. Jason," Anders panted. "You are going to be the end of me."

"Want to go for three?" Jason reached for a cloth and cleaned himself off then handed it to Anders.

As enticing the thought is I seriously doubt we'll be able stand or walk if we continue."

The chill in the air hit Jason, making him sit up and look around, "Is it just me or is it unusually cold in here?"

"It's the sweat cooling your body from our…recent exertion," Anders yawned.

"I can see my breath Anders," Jason got up and put some more wood in the fire.

Anders sat up and watched him feeling the chill nip at his face. "You're right. It is colder than normal."

He chuckled as he watched Jason standing naked by the fire as he added more wood.

"Be careful not to burn yourself."

"I will," Jason laughed. "And besides, I know I am good hands if I did accidentally burn myself."

"After I _yell_ at you," Anders retorted.

Outside the storm howled and Jason looked up at the window, "This reminds me of Ferelden."

"It reminds me of Amaranthine," Anders shuttered. "At least it doesn't leak like the Keep did."

"And you didn't have somebody sharing your bed," Jason grinned.

"No," Anders chuckled as Jason climbed back into bed. "Of course we were dealing with that lingering darkspawn threat and that was bound to put a damper on everyone's fun time."

"I wonder if Carver gets free time," Jason briefly looked away.

"I'm sure he has been enjoying the brothels he comes across during his travels," Anders laughed. "Remember when we caught at the Blooming Rose?"

"He was taking coins Mother would find in Gamlen's trousers. She knew about his trips to the Blooming Rose and wanted the money to go to the Chantry since I earned enough to put food on the table."

"But he only gave half to the chantry and then would save the rest for the Rose," Anders chuckled at the memory. "I never told you this but I had to treat him a couple of times due to his frequent… activity there. He even had to undress for me during a very bad infection."

"You touched my brother's cock?" Jason's eyes widened.

"I had to in order to treat him," Anders laughed softly. "And he threatened me if I told anyone."

"I can see him doing that," Jason admitted.

"And all the while I was treating him; I was fantasizing about your cock."

"Really?" Jason reached under the covers and started to stroke Anders.

"Yes," Anders sighed but regained enough composure to touch him back.

"I hope my cock has lived up to your fantasies," Jason grinned.

"Oh, it has and much much _more_," Anders licked a finger and started to tease one of Jason's nipples.

"So? It's cold and since you seemed to have recovered….." Jason looked at Anders.

"You know I can't say no to you," Anders scooted down as Jason lifted the covers over their heads. "But it's my turn to take care of you."

…

"It's snowing!"

Jason opened his eyes and sat up when he heard a knock on the door.

"Anders and I will be up in a few minutes."

Getting out of bed, he stumbled back when pleasurable ache reverberate from the lower part of his body. Slipping on some small clothes and a robe, he limped outside to see Sandal running down the stairs.

He found Bhodan and Orana peering out the opened door and went over to this nearly tripping as Sandal brushed past him.

"What's going on?"

Jason gasped when he stepped outside then blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. A think blanket of snow covered everything around him, making the usually stark area seem beautiful and inviting.

"It's snowed Messere," Bhodan said as he caught Sandal and pointed to the coat that was on the floor. "One of the nobles walking by said this was first time in thirty years that snow reached the city."

"It's absolutely beautiful," Jason smiled as he bent down to pick up some snow."

"Maker's breath!"

Jason turned to see Anders staring in amazement and went over to him, "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Kirkwall looks so…different."

"This is going to sound insane but this snow," Jason put his hand on Anders shoulder. "I feel like things are going to be alright…for now at least."

"Of course they will be," Anders smiled. "Let's go get dressed and take a walk."

"We need to go the Keep," Jason said. "Aveline has to see this."  
>Anders followed Jason back into the house and up the stairs.<p>

…

Two hours later Anders watched Aveline and Jason as they sat out in the balcony drinking and reminiscing about Lothering while enjoying the city landscape. The snow was already staring to melt and Jason wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.

"Anders! Donnic and Aveline are engaged!"

Anders smiled as he watched Jason hug a surprised Aveline.

As he walked towards them carrying a tray of food he paused and frowned. Things were not always going to be this way. There would come a time where moments like these would not be as important. Forcing a smile, he decided to enjoy them while he can.

...

**A/N**: To be continue with one more chapter. :-)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next few months after that surprise snow storm were relatively quiet and peaceful. Jason and Anders assumed their routine of helping mages escape Kirkwall. Justice never surfaced in Anders when their various jobs rescuing mages or helping others succeeded. Anders would always be jubilant and would give Jason a sly smile that hinted of how they would celebrate that night.

It was a beautiful sight to see the last three mages escape by boat. When seeing the area was clear, Anders and Jason went back to the estate.

After a supper and bath, Anders led Jason back to their room, locked the door and got him on the bed.

"Robe…off…now," Anders undid his robe as Jason did the same. "Want you…_now_."

He kissed Jason fiercely and soon their tongues met as they rubbed their nakedness against each other, losing themselves completely in their passion.

"I love you," Anders whispered.

"Love you too," Jason moaned.

While sex was not the focus for their relationship, it was something they both enjoyed. Three years of celibacy had made Anders realize he missed the intimacy of sharing himself with someone else. The love he shared with Jason made their nights together more special. There were times during at the clinic; Anders would count the minutes to when he would be back at the estate. Hawke would usually be back from whatever errands he had and they would enjoy a good meal. Afterwards they would go out on the roof to practice their spells, and then enjoy a bath and would fall asleep after a few hours of releasing their pent up passion.

Those moments they shared alone were one of the few times Anders actually felt free of Justice. Jason was not only his soul mate, he was his salvation. There were even times that Anders hated to share Jason, with their friends.

Life was not always perfect, and there were times Jason would have to save him. There were times Anders lost control and Justice took over; the devastation he unleashed was not only terrifying, the aftermath would be messy. One time Jason found Anders outside the city, lying unconscious near several bodies of templars. He managed to drag Anders to a cave and got rid of the bodies.

Anders woke up and went into despair over what happened as Jason cared for him.

"I'm a monster!" Anders agonized. "You deserve someone _better_!"

"Anders when I said we're in this together, I _meant_ it," Jason said gently. "You don't have to worry. I dealt with it and once you've rested a bit, we are going _home_."

"You know there will a come a time you may have to kill me." Anders warned.

"That's _never_ going to happen," Jason said firmly. "Now calm yourself and let me take care of you."

Anders let out a sigh but closed his eyes, letting Jason heal the minor wounds he received when Vengeance was in control.

And that's how their relationship went the next few months. Jason would always take care of Anders when the situation arose and would never complain at the unfairness.

But eventually there came a moment when Anders had to use every ounce of his will and strength to save Jason.

…

The Qunari Assault

"I accept your challenge," Jason looked at the Arishock.

The years of a fractured peace had finally come to an end thanks to the work of several zealots. Jason had tried to maintain the peace through diplomatic means and the Arishock had come to form a grudging respect for him. Anders was angry at Isabela's revelations that she was the cause of this. Her theft of the Qunari tome brought them here and she abandoned them when Hawke agreed to get it for her. Her conscious had gotten the best of her and she returned to the Keep. The Arishock wanted to take Isabela as well but Hawke would not have it.

Anders thought he was dreaming when Jason accepted his challenge.

The Arishock was at least seven feet tall and was a duel wielder. Those weapons could kill him. What in the Maker's name was Jason thinking?

He looked at Aveline and could see that she was concerned while Varric had that look that conveyed Jason was out of his mind. Qunari had come out of nowhere and surrounded them. There was nothing they could do except to watch.

Anders could feel Justice inside, cheering Jason on as he circled the Arishock and he hated it.

Jason let out a freezing spell, which allowed him to cast a blazing firestorm over the area as the Arishock was frozen. And then he ran around the room, dodging every attempt the Arishock made to get him. Fortunately Jason had inherited his father's ability to manipulate energy that he had never seen before. Anders was not very familiar with this school of magic, but he knew Jason's abilities granted him more fortitude than most mages possess and he prayed that would help him.

Anders continued to watch in awe as Jason fought. The Arishock only got angrier and it seemed like this fight would never end. Jason grabbed a lyrium vial out of his pocket, drunk it and ran but the Arishock finally got him.

The Arishock weapon not only impaled Jason but to Anders horror, was lifted up with it then flung to the ground. Jason clutched his side and managed to get up. He cast a fireball at the Arishock, than several nature damage spells that seemed to be taking their toll.

Jason used another spell that pummeled the Arishock to the ground and cast a lightening spell that stunned him. As the Arishock lay on the ground, Jason took the bladed part of staff and plunged into him as waves of lightening emitted from him.

"We…shall return," the Arishock managed to get out before closing his eyes for the last time.

The crowd cheered and swarmed around Jason. Knight Commander Meredith came in with Orsino and looked disappointed it was over with.

"It appears Kirkwall has a new Champion," Meredith's tone was a mixture of disgust and annoyance.

Anders rushed towards Jason and was immediately concerned at see how pale he was becoming, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Jason smiled. "Just sore."

Anders scrutinized the cuts and bruises on him. Jason seemed fine but something wasn't right.

"If you will excuse me Knight Commander, but its time for me to take my leave," Jason looked at her. "I'm sure the guard and templars can handle the clean up."

"Of course Champion, thank you for your…service."

The nobility were still applauding them as they made it outside. Jason smiled and acknowledged them silently and reached for Anders's arm as they went down the steps.

"I don't know how I am going to write what just happened in there," Varric shook his head in amazement.

Donnic suddenly came up from behind them and the worried look on his face concerned Anders.

"What's wrong?" Aveline looked at him.

"Hawke is leaving…a trail of blood, love," Donnic said worriedly.

"I'm fine," Jason insisted as he looked down at the ground. "Oh. Is that my blood you say?"

"Jason!"

Anders looked at horror when seeing the blood had finally soaked through Jason's clothes.

"Aveline help me," Anders implored as he held Jason just as he was going limp.

"Hawke!" Fenris came down the stairs and immediately assisted in helping carry Jason back to the estate as concerned onlookers attempted to swarm them.

"Move along folks," Varric ordered. "Nothing to see here."

"Please don't die Champion!" A voice cried out.

"He's _not_ going to die," Anders yelled.

"I'll post a guard detail in front of the estate," Aveline said. "It's the least Kirkwall could do since Hawke saved the city."

Donnic opened the door and held it as they carried Hawke inside.

….

"Maker!" Anders gasped after he cut through Jason's clothes.

The impalement had left a horrific gaping torn hole on his side and Anders could see exposed bone as well as Jason's insides.

"Go to my room," Anders gritted his teeth and immediately started healing Jason. "There are several lyrium potions on the shelf and I'll likely need _more_ than that."

"I'll go to my contacts in the Coterie," Varric said. "I know they Hawke a few favors."

"Maybe…we can get the Knight Commander to release another mage to assist you," Aveline suggested.

"Aveline, that bitch has made those mages are so broken they would _not _be able to do anything accept give me a rejuvenation spell. I don't want any of them near Jason."

Anders felt like collapsing but sighed in relief to see the wound slowly mending but given the severity and the amount of blood Jason lost, knew the first twenty four hours would be critical.

"Is this what you need…mage…Anders?" Fenris handed him the lyrium potions."

"Thank you," Anders took the vials from Fenris. "Would you mind telling Bhodan that Jason will not be accepting any visitors for the time being and please tell Orana to make some of that soup of hers."

"Of course," Fenris nodded and left the room.

Aveline helped Anders stand after the wound was healed. The area was red and swollen and it could still open if Jason moved too much.

"I'm going to place a layer of salve over this while I recoup my mana," Anders got up. "Keep an eye on him for me."

…..

Anders shut the door and immediately picked up a vase on the table and threw it against the wall.

"Dear Maker, please don't take Jason from me," Anders dropped to his knees. "I know I am the last person who should be asking anything from you but I _need_ him."

Regaining his composure, Anders stood up and went to his work table to get what he needed.

…

"I better get going," Varric sighed. "I know I'll have no problems getting the lyrium potions from the Coterie.

"Varric," Jason opened his eyes and grimaced. "If something happens to me, you have my will. Gamlen…will…."

"You are _not_ going to die Hawke," Varric shook his head. "And don't worry; Gamlen will never know the true location of where your money is."

"I don't understand," Aveline said. "If the bulk of your fortune isn't in the vault here than what do you have in there?"

"Oh there's gold in there," Varric laughed. "One hundred gold to be exact, the rest of the vault contains boxes of clothes, papers, mage stuff and a letter to Gamlen in case he ever got in there. Hawke's fortune is stored at another location and I am the _only_ one who knows where."

"You…can tell Aveline," Jason coughed. "She is like a sister. If I don't make it, I want her to have something…for her wedding."

"Shut up," Aveline said gently. "You are going to be standing by me when I wed Donnic."

"I'll see you later,"Varric said glumly before leaving the room.

"Hawke what in the Makers name where you thinking when you agreed to fight the Arishock?"

"I intend to ask him the _same_ thing."

Aveline turned to see Anders standing in the doorway.

"I think Bhodan needs help dealing with the people at the door."

"I'll handle it," Aveline stood up and looked at Anders. "I know he's going to make it."

"Of course he is," Anders insisted.

"I'll see you later then," Aveline took one last at Jason before leaving room.

"It hurts!" Jason opened his eyes and started to move. "Anders... make it stop. I beg you!"

"There is no such thing as pain free healing Jason," Anders said gently as he cast a paralysis spell on him.

Anders lifted the covers and applied salve on the wound and placed a cloth over it.

"Even when this totally heals, you're going to have a scar," Anders wiped the sweat off Jason's face.

"Anders," Jason opened his eyes.

"Shut up," Anders placed a finger on Jason's lips. "You need to sleep."

Jason's eyelids fluttered and he drifted off, allowing Anders to remove his jacket and boots. Pulling the chair close, he sat down and took Jason's hand. He would heal the wound again in a couple of hours but needed rest.

The hours dragged on as Anders continue to heal Jason. He sighed with relief when seeing the wound had not reopened but that relief turned to panic when Jason came down with a fever.

Desperate, he cast a freezing spell over him and watched helplessly as Jason shook before closing his eyes.

"Don't you dare die on me Jason!" Anders shouted. "Jason!"

…..

_Jason walked down the path and was surprised to be approaching his house in Lothering. He stopped when seeing his mother and Bethany come out. They waved to him and picked up two baskets before going off, presumably to pick berries._

_ "I'm dead."_

_ "It's not your time son."_

_ "Father." _

_Jason turned to see his father standing a few feet from him. He looked exactly as he did before he got sick._

"_You're not dead Jason," Malcolm laughed. "But that fight with the Arishock has put you as close to death as you can possibly get"_

"_I had to do what was right."_

"_I know," Malcolm put his hand on his shoulder." I'm proud of you."_

"_How can you be proud of me? I let Bethany and Mother die on my watch. Carver is now a Warden because of me."_

"_What happened to Bethany and your mother was __**not**__ your fault. And as for Carver; he is alive because of __**you**__. He's on his own journey. The two of you were not meant to share the same path."_

"_I've missed you so much Father. There have been so many times I wondered what you would have done in my place."_

"_I miss you too but I have faith in you Jason. You are a strong man and an even stronger mage. You chose a difficult road to travel though but it will work out in the end."_

"_What's going to work out?"_

"_The world is going to change. Don't fear it."_

"_What's going to happen?"_

"_Its time for to go back," Malcolm smiled and stepped away from him _

"_Jason Hawke you do not belong in the Fade."_

"_Justice."_

_Jason turned to see him walking towards him. Glancing back, he saw that his father was gone._

_ "I'm impressed," Justice's blue eyes glowed. "You stood your ground and fought that Qunari to save a city that really didn't deserve it. You have rejected the demon's lure and you have used your wealth to help save mages. You are worthy of Anders."_

_ "Thank you…I guess."_

_ "Its time for you to go back, Anders needs you and there's much to be done."_

_ "But I wanted to see my…"_

_"No!" Justice pointed at him. __**"You must go back!"**_

A beam of light shot out of Justice and enveloped Jason and it felt as if he was being pulled away.

….

Jason gasped as he sat up in bed and looked around. Anders opened his eyes and rushed to his side.

"Thank the Maker!" Anders climbed into bed and embraced Jason. "You've been unconscious for five days because of a fever."

"I saw my father and….Justice."

"I'm sorry," Anders looked away. "My exhaustion got the better of me. What did he say?"

"He basically said I was worthy of you because of my actions."

"I could have told you that," Anders arranged the pillows and helped Jason sit back. "What…was it like seeing your father. If you don't want to talk about it I understand."

"He said it was not my time and told me not blame myself for what happened to Bethany, Carver, and Mother," Jason said softly. "He said he was proud of me."

"I hope you listened to him," Anders took a cloth and wiped Jason's face.

"It was so real Anders," Jason sighed. "My father looked as just as he did before he got sick. "He even told me I was a strong mage."

"You are strong," Anders crawled beside him. "Don't ever doubt that!"

They sat in silence for awhile until Jason looked down and saw the scar.

"Maker! I didn't realize how bad it was."

"Jason, I almost lost you! What were you thinking?" Anders moved on top of him and looked at him.

"I just didn't want them to take Isabela," Jason looked at Anders and could see his eyes were red. "I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't think I was that hurt."

"Isabela is gone Jase," Anders said. "She took refuge on some supply ship and left. And I had my hand in your wound! My hand!"

"I'm sorry," Jason tried to reach for Anders but winced.

"You're still very weak," Anders said as he put an arm around him. "You lost a lot of blood and a bit of weight as well."

"I…don't think I can even cast any spells," Jason sighed.

"I've seen this before with wounded mages, your mana pool was depleted because of your fever. You'll be able to cast spells in no time," Anders smiled. "You just need to rest more."

"I'm sort…of hungry," Jason admitted.

"You are getting better," Anders laughed. "I'll go downstairs and let everyone know you're alright."

"Who is here?"

"Varric and Merrill are in the sitting room with Sandal," Anders poured Jason a glass of water and handed it to him. "Aveline and Fenris come and go. Sebastian has visited a few times too."

"Oh I bet you loved Sebastian visiting," Jason laughed. "You hate him _more _than Fenris."

"The only time it annoyed me was when he brought the Grand Cleric to give you a blessing," Anders eyes glared. "I've put up with him and Fenris and I have formed a temporary truce."

"Anders," Jason's eyes widened. " Are you telling me Elthina has seen me _naked_? Has everyone seen me _naked_?"

"I can't believe this," Anders laughed. "You almost died and now you're being modest. What about all those times you walk around in that robe with nothing on underneath when Bhodan and Orana are gone?"

"That's different," Jason declared. "And you're in your own robe with me."

"Yes and I am looking forward to getting back to when we have the estate to ourselves," Anders grinned. "But don't worry, Elthina did not see your….manhood. I am the only one that gets that privilege."

"Can I have some soup? A piece of bread?"

"Orana made that soup you like. I'll get you a bowl," Anders smiled as he got up. "And some tea."

"Thank you," Jason closed his eyes.

…

Twenty minutes later Anders came back holding a tray and he set it down.

"I don't even think I can lift the fork," Jason sighed. "You're going to have to help me."

"Of course I'm helping you," Anders laughed.

"Did you tell Varric and Merrill that I'm alright?"

"Varric says he'll come by to see you after he comes back from telling Aveline and Merrill figures you're naked and told me to tell you she's been watering your plants and that she'll see you when you have more clothes on."

"Oh," Jason laughed. "Good."

Anders got in bed beside Jason and began to feed him.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Jason looked at Anders.

"After all the times you've taken care of me, it's my turn to take care of you." Anders touched his face.

"Just being here is enough for me," Jason smiled.

"You do know that once you're well enough, you'll have to make an appearance outside," Anders laughed. "The people of Kirkwall want to see their Champion."

"That's what Meredith called me," Jason remembered.

"It's your new title," Anders explained. "You are the Champion of Kirkwall."

"Wonderful," Jason moaned. "That means everybody will want something from me."  
>"Probably." Anders chuckled. "You don't have to worry about that now though. Just rest."<p>

After Jason ate Anders set the bowl back on the tray; made sure the door was locked, then got back in bed and watched as Jason closed his eyes.

…..

Three weeks later, Jason stood in the hall with Anders, Aveline and Varric. Today would be the first time he would go outside since being wounded.

Still weak; he used his staff as a cane and nervously looked at the door, "What am I supposed to say?"

"You don't have to say anything Hawke," Aveline grabbed Jason as he stumbled. "The people just want to see their Champion."

"All you have to do is nod your head and smile," Varric grinned. "And be sure to accept any gifts you get."

"More gifts?" Jason's eyes widened and looked at the table of flowers, assorted wine, spirits, and other miscellaneous items that he would have to write thank you notes for.

"Your Champion Hawke," Varric laughed. "You need to enjoy the moment. They're even having a statue of you built."

"Oh for the love of the Maker," Jason lamented. "Just kill me _now_."

"I think Hawke just does not want to be beholden to these people," Aveline said.

"Exactly," Jason sighed.

"Well one thing is for certain, this little sojourn outdoors is going to be _brief_," Anders said firmly. "Jason still needs to take it easy."

"Let's get this over with," Jason groaned as Aveline and Anders braced each side of him. "Open the door."

The crowd outside immediate cheered as Jason appeared.

"Champion!" An impeccably dressed woman rushed to him.

Jason smiled and shook her hand as the crowd swarmed to him. He shook hands with men and women as several templars looked on in disdain. People handed him flowers and other gifts until Jason motioned them to hand them to Bhodan and Orana who were standing outside looking on in amazement.

"I saved the city because it's my home," Jason said. "I seek no reward but it would warm my heart to see any of you help the refugees of my homeland. Thank you."

"The Champion is still healing," Aveline said as Anders helped him back inside. "Once he is fully recovered, he will be out and about more."

"We love you Champion!" A voice cried out.

Jason turned and gave one last smile and a wave before going inside.

…

"I'm glad that's over with," Jason sank in a chair. "But something tells me it's only just begun."

"You are now the second most powerful person in Kirkwall Hawke," Aveline sat down beside him. "People look up to you."

"And who is the one in charge now?"

Anders, Varric and Aveline looked at each other than at Hawke.

"Knight Commander Meredith has taken control of the city since the Viscount's death," Varric explained.

"What?" Jason sat up. "Templars are not supposed to be holding that kind of power. She's only going to make it worse for the mages."

"She's already started Jason," Anders said bitterly.

"Meredith must be thrilled that I survived," Jason laughed.

"Well, let's just say now it's fully out in the open that you're a mage," Varric poured himself a drink. "And you're living openly with another mage."

"The only reason they're not after me is because of my ties to you," Anders looked at Jason.

"You did receive some well wishes of Thrask, Keran, and Cullen," Aveline handed him notes from the table.

"I guess I'll eventually have to deal with Meredith again," Jason set the notes down. "But right now, I want to go upstairs. This has left me very tired."

Jason stood up and Anders immediately rushed to his side.

"I'll see you later," Jason said as he put arm around Anders and walked slowly out of the room.

….

Anders sat on the bed and watched Jason fall asleep. Brushing the hair out of Jason's face he let out a sigh.

"You're Jason, it's only just begun."

…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The first months after defeating the Arishock were a time of recovery and adjustment for Jason and his friends.

After Jason collapsed at the Bone Pit while fighting a high dragon; Anders ordered him to not engage in anymore jobs until he had fully regained his strength. Trapped in Hightown for the time being, Jason was forced to deal with the nobles who either fawned over him or wanted something from him. It got to the point where it got so tedious dealing with them; he made it a point of not leaving the estate unless it was to visit his friends.

Isabela left Kirkwall a couple of days after the Arishock's defeat and had been gone for quite awhile until she showed up one day at the Hanged Man. After talking with her, it was like nothing had ever happened. Jason was proud of her for coming back that night and saw no point in blaming her for his injuries. Having lost so much over the years, he was not about to add more to the list.

One day Jason found himself inside his mother's room and sitting on her bed. He had only been inside there once when she was alive and it was after the renovations had been completed in the estate. It amazed him that remnants of her perfume still lingered in the air. Noticing a box on the table, he peered inside and pulled out a piece of parchment that had Aveline's name written on it. Reaching inside, he found himself holding a dress.

The dress was green velvet, with a bodice adorned with embroidered flowers and vines. Jason remembered how his mother said Aveline would look beautiful in green and remembered hearing her say she should wear dresses more often.

Placing the dress back in the box, he stood up and carried it outside. Heading downstairs, he grabbed his coat before telling Bhodan he was heading to the keep.

…..

Aveline looked up as Jason shut the door, "This is a pleasant surprise. What brings you here?"

"I found something in my mother's room," Jason sat down and handed her the box. "I found your name written inside on piece of parchment."

Jason watched as she removed the lid and set it aside. She picked up the parchment inside and looked at Jason, "That is my name."

Aveline gasped as she removed the dress from the box and looked at him, "This is a wedding dress isn't it?"

"My mother made that for you Aveline," Jason watched her examine the dress. "She wanted you to be happy. You're going to wear this to your wedding."  
>"Yes Hawke," Aveline looked away to wipe her eyes. "I will. But we still don't have a place for the wedding. I can't do it in the keep and I don't want it in the Chantry."<p>

"That's simple. You will marry at my place," Jason grinned. "I'll open up the main dining room so we can feast afterwards."

"I really don't want you to go through all that trouble," Aveline blushed.

"Its _no_ trouble," Jason took her hand. "I want to do this for you and Donnic."

"Alright," Aveline relented. "But this is _my _wedding. I don't want anything fancy or tacky."

"You have my word," Jason promised got up from his chair. "Thank you for letting me do this for you."

"There was no point in saying no," Aveline laughed. "You would have never stopped pestering me."

"You know me too well," Jason laughed. "I better get back to let Bhodan and Orana know."

"One thing Jason," Aveline got up from her chair. "I want turkey as the main course, and your mother's stuffing and that berry pie. Donnic really enjoyed that last meal we all shared."

"As you wish Guard-Captain," Jason bowed. "I'll see you later."

….

"Bhodan," Jason called as he entered the hall. "Orana. I have important news."

"Yes my lord," Bhodan came running out of the kitchen as Orana hurried down the stairs.

"Aveline will be having her wedding to Donnic here," Jason removed his coat and handed it to Orana. "The date hasn't been decided but she let me know she wants turkey as the main course among a few other things. We'll need decorations; flowers and Aveline will need her dress fitted. Aveline will be here during her off duty hours to help plan it."

"We'll be ready to help with whatever is needed my lord," Bhodan bowed.

"I knew I can count on the two of you," Jason looked at Orana. "And Orana, the flower arrangements you have made for the house have been beautiful. Do you think you can create some sort of headpiece for Aveline to wear?"

"Yes Master Jason," Orana smiled. "I can do that. And I promise the house will be beautiful for Guard-Captain Aveline."

"I know it will," Jason smiled.

"Before I forget…your new armor arrived," Bhodan grinned. "I put it in your room upstairs."

"Thank you Bhodan," Jason said as he hurried upstairs.

….

The Fight

…..

Anders opened the door of their room and found Jason admiring himself in the armor.

"Is that your new armor? It looks…incredible."

Being an apostate his whole life, Jason never dressed like a typical mage and this new outfit was just as incredible as the others. His trousers were leather but there were various belts wrapped around the leg. The chest piece was a mixture of chain mail and fur. One arm was completely covered and the hand gloved while the other arm was bare with only a glove covering the hand. Anders flashed back to that moment in the clinic he first met Jason and could not believe he was a mage because of those perfectly sculpted arms.

"You look fantastic," Anders wrapped his arms around Jason and kissed his neck.

"I have some news," Jason turned around. "Aveline is finally marrying Donnic."

"So she finally tied Donnic down and agreed to a date," Anders laughed.

"Actually, I was bored and found myself in my mother's room and discovered a dress she was working on for Aveline," Jason paused and looked away. "I went to the keep and gave it to her."

Anders led Jason to the bed where they sat down, "I bet she appreciated that."

"She did and has agreed to have her wedding here," Jason got up. "We're going to open up the big dining room and the ballroom and you'll finally get a chance to wear that new outfit I had made for you."

Anders got up from the bed and walked over to the fire. While he enjoyed the occasional night out at the Hanged Man playing cards with Jason and their friends, the estate was his sanctuary and this news made him uncomfortable. It was one thing to have their friends for supper occasionally but this was something bigger and far more intrusive.

"Anders," Jason looked at him.

"How many people will be attending?" He broke his silence.

"Aveline wants things simple so I'm thinking its likely going to be a small affair, twenty five to thirty people give or take and that includes all of us."

"And I presume, someone from the Chantry will be performing the ceremony," Anders didn't bother to hide the disdain in his voice.

"I guess," Jason shrugged. "I don't know much about these things. My parents weren't married in the traditional way since my father was an apostate after all."

"If you don't mind, I think I will stay at the clinic. While I do like Donnic and think he is good influence on Aveline, I just would not feel comfortable."

"Anders there will not be any templars there," Jason promised. "You know Aveline _hates_ them just as much as you do."

"She only hates them because they have taken control of the city," Anders scoffed.

"Is this what _Justice_ wants?" Jason folded his arms. "I remember the things you told me about when he occupied Kristoff's body and felt his love for his wife Aura. Surely he would understand why humans would want to celebrate two people coming together."

"This is_ my_ decision Jason. I just would not feel comfortable around all those people and I wouldn't feel right after what happed to the Mage Underground."

"I know it hasn't been easy for you," Jason got up from the bed. "I've never asked you to attend any of the noble functions because I knew that they would make you feel uncomfortable but for once I was just hoping… to have you standing by my side."

"Hasn't been easy?" Anders threw up his hands. "Our cause is nearly lost and that's all you have to say? We could have done _something_ but I was stuck here taking care of…"

Anders looked at Jason the moment he paused. The look on his face said it all.

"Jason…I didn't mean…"

"I'm sorry for my injuries destroying the underground," Jason said bitingly.

"Jason…" Anders reached for him.

"You know since you have no intention of attending, I think it's for the best that you go stay at the clinic or Varric's for awhile. Nothing personal but I am happy for Aveline. She's been like a sister to me."

"If that's the way you feel then I will leave now," Anders looked at Jason.

"That's the way I feel," Jason walked toward the door but suddenly turned around. "If you don't think what happened to the mage underground hurts me then you don't know me at all. I told you my father and I helped escaped mages in Lothering. We sheltered them, gave them food, clothes and coin. If they didn't want to leave Ferelden, we brought them to the Mages Collective. It _kills me_ every time I go to the Gallows and it bothers me every single day that my wealth and position can't stop what's happening. I wanted you to live here because I love you, believe in you and wanted you to be safe. It would be nice for just _one_ day we could forget everything and celebrate Aveline and Donnic finding each other in this cesspool the way we did. Anders, I thought you said we were partners in every way. I guess that only meant when it's only going your way."

Anders watched as Jason left the room before stumbling back. Regaining his composure, he quickly gathered a few of his belongings before going downstairs and heading out the door.

…..

Relieved to see nobody waiting outside his clinic, Anders quickly went inside and locked the doors. Tossing his pack on the table Anders crumbled on the floor and hugged his knees before closing his yes.

….

Jason acknowledged the Hanged Man's regulars with a nod as they raised their mugs and called out for the Champion. He found Varric in his suite going over some papers.

"Hey Hawke," Varric pushed the papers aside. "Want a drink?"

"Thanks, but I haven't eaten much today so I better not."

"And what brings you here?" Varric poured himself a drink and took a sip.

"Actually I am here for a request," Jason managed a smile. "Aveline and Donnic will be marrying at my place and I was hoping you could provide the wine and spirits for the occasion. I really want the best for them and you know I can afford it."

"So Aveline and Donnic are finally going to make it legal?" Varric laughed. "I have a few contacts that have access to the best so I can definitely supply the beverages for this momentous occasion and I'm even willing to split the cost with you."

"Thanks Varric, I knew I can count on you," Jason looked away and sighed.

"Is something wrong Jason," Varric looked at Jason. "You don't seem like your normal…chipper self."

"Well there's no hiding it from you," Jason let out a sad grin. "Anders got upset about Aveline's wedding being held at my place, we ended up having an argument and I told him would be for the best that he stay at the clinic."

"You threw Blondie _out_?" Varric's eyes widened.

"He blamed me for the length of my recovery for not being able to save the underground so I just asked him to leave since I didn't want him to ruin Aveline's day with his dour mood and… he agreed."

"Jason, you know the information I got from my contacts, there were over 100 templars involved there was no way any of us could have survived that. I'm actually relieved you were bedridden and you know Blondie didn't mean it."

"I know," Jason sighed. "I was just hoping…never mind. He doesn't want to go and there isn't anything I can do about it."

"Who is handling the cooking for this?" Varric changed the subject.

"Bhodan and Orana said they would handle it."

"Its one thing to cook for us but I think they will need some help for this," Varric chuckled. "I know the owner of the Hightown Inn. I think he'll be more than willing to have his cooks help since this will be for the Guard-Captain."

"Thanks. I appreciate the help," Jason got up from his chair. "I better head back home now. I'll see you later."

"See you Hawke."

Jason turned and went back downstairs. As he exited the Hanged Man, he briefly looked toward the road that lead to Darktown before heading back to his estate.

….

Jason found Bhodan in the kitchen checking the roast that was cooking on the spit in the fireplace.

"Bhodan, I need you to do something for me," Jason sat down on the chair. "Anders will be working at his clinic so I would appreciate it if you bring him some blankets as well as some food from time to time. You can use the basement entry."

"Of course," Bhodan nodded.

"Varric is going to be supplying the wine and liquor for Aveline and Donnic's wedding. H also said he's going to get some help for you and Orana."

"We definitely could use the help because Aveline dropped her guest list off while you were away," Bhodan handed him a sheet of parchment.

"Twenty nine," Jason counted. "That's pretty much what I figured. Thank you Bhodan."

Closing the door of the library, Jason went over the list and sighed when see Anders below his. Along with their friends, she had invited Seneschal Bran and a dozen of guards as well as a few nobleman he recognized that were not friendly to current templar regime controlling the city. There were also name he didn't recognize but presumed were Donnic's family.

Setting the list down, he went over to the chair by the fire and sat down and stared at the flames.

…..

Anders sighed when he entered the clinic and saw the basket on the table. For the last two weeks he would find food waiting for him. He grabbed piece of bread and began to nibble on it before setting it down.

"Jason."

It had been nearly three weeks since Jason asked him to leave. A part of him wanted to go to the estate right now and beg for his forgiveness. Looking back, he not only felt ashamed but embarrassed. Justice had even stayed silent throughout this time which surprised Anders because he could usually feel his disapproval. Perhaps the memories of Kristoff and Aura lulled him into a state of dormancy. All he could think about now was how wrong he was. Donnic had no issues with mages and felt they were being treated unjustly. He was a good influence of Aveline.

Anders sat on his cot and covered his face with his hands. Being separated from Jason literally tore at his soul. He missed waking up and feeling Jason beside him. He missed the feel of Jason's stubble against his face. He missed their talks, the laughing and the way they shared everything.

"Open your eyes Blondie."

Anders looked up and found Varric and Isabela glaring at him.

"Are we sure this is Anders?" Isabela reached in the basket and grabbed an apple.

"Its me," Anders sighed. "And I know _why_ you are both here."

Varric folded his arms, "And just why do you think we're here Blondie?"

"It doesn't matter," Isabela took a bite of the apple. "He's going to hear us out."

"Better listen to the lady," Varric reached into the basket and began to peel a banana.

"Now you listen to me Anders," Isabela pointed a finger at him. "You bloody well better be at Aveline's nuptials or else I am going to add another voice to your head."

"What did Jason say?" Anders stood up.

"He's been too busy helping with the wedding preparations to say anything but its obvious he's unhappy," Isabela said between bites.

"He has his fake smile painted on," Varric dropped the peel on the table. "Its not like he asks you to attend these events everyday. You owe him Blondie."

"Hawke could have any man or woman in Kirkwall but for some insane reason he chose _you_," Isabela threw the core across the room Anders looked at Varric and Isabela. They were right. Jason was always there for them."

"You're going to the wedding," Isabela told him.

"I stole that fancy outfit that Hawke had made for you," Varric added. "It's in my suite. The morning of the wedding, I'll have my private bathing room open so you can clean yourself up and get dressed."

"We expect to see you standing next to Hawke as Donnic and Aveline pledge their… eternal bonds," Isabela didn't bother to hide the disdain in her voice.

"I'm getting the distinct impression you are not to fond of weddings Isabela," Anders folded his arms and looked at her.

"As long as I am not the bride I am perfectly fine with weddings," Isabela laughed. "If this makes the big gal easier to get along with, then more power to her. There will be food, drink, and hopefully a nice man or woman looking for some fun."

"I'll be at the wedding," Anders sat in a chair. "I was already thinking about it before the two of you came."

"Good," Varric grinned. "I guess our work here is done, Rivaini."

"You know it's good that you will be there because Seneschal Bran was at the Rose the other night and in his drunken state admitted that he would love to have a taste of Hawke's ass," Isabela laughed.

"But Bran hates Jason," Anders glared.

"Just because he hates Hawke does not mean he has no desire for him," Isabela laughed. "Bran has obviously had a crush since you ran into him at Prosper's. You'll see for yourself if he drinks at Aveline's wedding."

"Oh he'll drink alright," Varric chuckled. "What man refuses free drinks at a wedding reception?"

"Sebastian," Isabela grinned.

"Sebastian," Anders shrugged. "I don't drunk but I am allowed a sip now and then."

"That's because Justice used to inhabit the body of an Orlesian," Varric said. "And he can try all he wants, but there will never be any escaping that. Now we have to go."

"I'll see you at the wedding," Anders nodded. "And if Bran knows what's good for him, he'll _ignore _Jason."

"That's right," Isabela laughed. "You don't like to share."

"Come on Rivaini," Varric grabbed Isabela's arm. "Let's go before we wear out our welcome."

Anders watched them shut the door and he sat back down on the cot. While he was happy for Aveline and Donnic, all he could think about was how selfish he had been acting. As uncomfortable as this would be, it was only one event. Life was short and he wanted create more memories with Jason. Smiling to himself, he couldn't wait to be home again.

…..

"Hawke! Wake up!"

Jason opened his eyes and found Aveline standing in the doorway wearing her wedding dress. Grinning, he got up from his chair and walked over to her.

"You know this is the first time I have ever seen you with your hair down," he teased.

"Hawke, I am _not_ in the mood," Aveline warned. "I need to make sure if Orana needs to do any more alterations. And why are you so sleepy?"

"Forgive me Aveline but I wasn't expecting to host that party last night for your guardsmen," Jason yawned.

"Hawke you know I wanted to have something for my men and women who were going to be on duty on the day of the wedding."

"Oh it was definitely fun, I just didn't expect to be up that late and then have you wake me up three hours later," Jason chuckled. "But seriously, you look beautiful Aveline."

"I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you for this Hawke," Aveline smiled.

"Just…be happy," Jason kissed her cheek. "That is all the thanks I'll ever need."

"And I want the same for you," Aveline looked at him. "Where has Anders been lately? He never seems to be around when I'm here."

"He's been busy at the clinic but sends his regards," Jason smiled.

"He will be at the wedding won't he?"

"Of course he will," Jason covered his mouth and yawned.

"Good. I may have had some differences with your man but I truly respect what he does."

"I know," Jason sat back down and sighed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm just tired Aveline."

"I'm going to go as soon as I change. Tomorrow is going to be a big day…for all of us."

"There's a sleep potion on the table by the door. You need your rest too."

"And I intend to take it, but I will likely be here before dawn."

"Tell Bhodan before you leave," Jason shut his eyes.

Opening his eyes, Jason got up. Usually Aveline could tell when he was lying but luckily the wedding preparations had kept her too busy. He would tell her truth one she got back from her wedding trip.

"Anders," Jason sighed.

He probably should have felt angrier but the weeks apart left a dull ache in his heart that he made plans to go to the clinic after the wedding to talk to Anders. He missed Anders and the routine they had and even longed for the days he'd find him writing his manifesto.

"I need him."

Jason yawned one last time before leaving the room to go to bed. It was going to be a long day and he had no doubt Aveline would be here a couple hours before dawn.

…

Anders found Bhodan standing outside the door of Jason's estate as he made his way towards the entrance. A man with several stab wounds had been brought into the clinic before dawn. He had lost a lot of blood but would survive but Anders ended up arriving at the Hanged Man just as Varric was leaving.

"Master Anders, you made it!" Bhodan opened the door. "It's just about to start."

"Thank you Bhodan," Anders entered the hall and was immediately taken aback by the crowd of people he waded through as he looked for Jason.

Looking up, he saw Donnic and Aveline were on the second floor with Elthina. He couldn't believe how beautiful Aveline looked. The dress made her seem…softer, almost fragile. She also looked younger with her hair down. Looking around he saw Jason standing by Varric. He was dressed in black trousers and red shirt and looked absolutely amazing. Anders watched as Varric nudged Jason who bent down to listen to Varric. A second later their eyes met and Anders grinned when seeing how surprised Jason looked. Varric moved over and Anders made his way toward him.

Jason's shock quickly diminished and he gave Anders that sexy smile that would always make him weak in the knees. When Elthina started to speak everyone looked up and watched the ceremony. Anders felt Jason lean closer to him then felt him take his hand.

Anders squeezed Jason's hand as Donnic and Aveline said their vows and everyone applauded when Elthina declared them husband and wife. As uncomfortable as he felt with the Grand Cleric being here, Anders felt amazingly in control and he realized it was because of Jason.

As the crowd swarmed toward Aveline and Donnic, Jason led him to an empty room.

"I knew you would fantastic in blue," He grinned.

"You look pretty good yourself," Anders pinned Jason against the wall. "Why didn't you come to the clinic?"

"I was planning to after the wedding," Jason pulled Anders closer. "I felt bad for the way I heaped the news on you and I _promise_ this is the only time this is ever going to happen."

"I was a fool," Anders admitted. "You were right. Life is short and we should celebrate our friend's joy and I _never _meant to blame you for what happened to the mage underground."

"I know," Jason smiled.

"I've missed you," Anders traced Jason's face with his finger.

"I've missed you too," Jason and touched Ander's stubble. "You know if we go any further, we'll never get out of this room."

Just then the door flew open and Isabela stood in the doorway and folded her arms, "You two can bugger each other later. There are guests asking for you."

"Thank you so much for telling us," Anders sighed.

"Come on," Jason laughed. "Let's go."

….

Jason shut the door of the library and sank in a chair. It had been a glorious day. Anders came back to him and he reveled in Aveline and Donnic's joy. The party had lasted for hours. He mingled with the nobility, ate, and dance to the point of exhaustion. Jason was proud of Anders for being polite to Elthina. Sebastian even complimented Anders on the work he did at the clinic. It was nice that everybody was getting along for a change. Aveline and Donnic had left nearly two hours ago and he wanted to do was close his eyes for a few minutes.

"Messere Hawke."

Jason turned to see Seneschal Bran standing a few feet from him. He took a sip from the bottle he was holding and nearly knocked it over when he set it down.

"Hello Bran," Jason stood up.

"I'm sure you are quite aware of my dislike for you," Bran slowly approached Jason. "I find you crass, arrogant…smug. Your bravado has never impressed me."

"Yes Bran, I am aware of your hatred for me," Jason chuckled. "Is there anything else you want to say?"

"I've seen you with your consort, that mage who helps the poor at Darktown."

"His name is Anders," Jason's eyes glared. "And I seem to recall, he's helped you a few times."

"Yes. Yes," Bran said, "Let me get to the point. I want to spread that glorious ass of yours open and see what makes you so special. I am sure Anders wouldn't mind if I…borrowed you."

Jason's eyes widened as Bran unbuttoned his shirt and proceeded to undo his trousers.

"Bran. I am really not interested." Jason slowly backed away as removed his small clothes and revealed himself. "And I think you had a little too much to drink."

"And I don't share."  
>Jason watched as Anders struck Bran with bolt of electricity and he fell to the ground.<p>

"Are you alright?" Anders rushed to him.

"I'm fine," Jason chuckled. "I was about to freeze him before you came in. Will he be alright?"

"Yes," Anders laughed. "And he won't remember a thing,"

"I'll have Varric to get Serendipity."

"He's still here but everybody else has gone."

"The place is a mess," Jason groaned.

"Bhodan said he'd handle it," Anders put his arm around Jason. "Let's go to bed."

"Anders I'm afraid I'm too exhausted to do anything but sleep," Jason yawned.

"It's alright," Anders pressed a finger to Jason's lips. "I'm tired too."

"Let's go tell Varric then head to bed," Jason chuckled. "This will give him some new material for his writing."

"And it's not about us for a change," Anders laughed as they headed upstairs.

….

Jason sat up in bed and looked around as Anders opened his eyes and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" Anders sat up and put an arm around Jason.

"Feynriel…was in my dream. It felt… so real."

"What did he say?"

"All he said was that he doesn't blame us for… what's going to happen," Jason turned and looked at Anders. "He also said…we were going to change the world."

"It's probably nothing," Anders brushed the hair out Jason's face. "Let's go back to bed."

"You're probably right," Jason closed his eyes as he laid back against the pillows.

…..

Anders sighed as he watched Jason fall asleep. He wished these moments could last forever but knew deep down there would come a time where he would hurt Hawke again. Until then he would enjoy every moment as if it were his last.


End file.
